With Words I Thought I'd Never Speak
by HannahMCR
Summary: My Frerard story but they're not in MCR. Slash. Billie Joe makes an appearance. Angels, fallen angels. A lot of fun. Gee and Frank are so cute and Mikey has really bad timing. Please read if you like MCr, but you don't have to like MCr to understand this.


105

With Words I Thought I'd Never Speak

By Hannah Harder

Note to all My Chemical Romance fans:

I know that Frank and Gerard are straight. I also know that Gerard and

Frank are married to two great girls. I know that Frerard really doesn't exist. It's a joke, okay? All in good fun. I love My Chemical Romance and I love Frank and Gee. I think Gee and Frank wouldn't care that I made them gay in my screenplay. They would probably find it funny. So lighten up and laugh.

(Enter GERARD, a fallen angel with wings visible. They are long and pitch black. He is shirtless. He is very skinny. He is very sexy. Most people would call him goth or emo. You should never say it to his face or he will go off on you because he is not goth or emo he just likes to wear black. He has short dyed black hair and is wearing black skinny jeans. He sits down at a table, takes out a journal (black and plain) and begins to read. The stage is completely empty except for the desk.)

GERARD onstage

"From the journal of Gerard Iero, AKA Gee."-But only to my friends, of course-(he adds, looking up at the audience). "When I look back at this journey, I think, "What was I thinking?" I did a lot of crazy stuff. I didn't think about what I was doing until I did it, I guess. That was confusing. Sorry. So after it all ended, I thought I should write it down. So here you go. The story of the greatest and strangest time of my life."

(Stands up and walks away. Lights fade into a new scene of GERARD's house. It is a typical suburban living room with stairs in the background. There is one big window, but it is covered with heavy curtains. There are two big black leather couches and a table in between them.)

GERARD offstage

Oh, look. A flashback. I thought I was going crazy. Anyway, this is how it all started. I was supposed to be studying for my finals. I actually was out partying. Not a big deal, right? Every teenager parties at least once. My mistake was to go to a costume party as myself, shirtless and with my wings clearly visible. I know, you're thinking that if I'm on Earth then I'm a fallen angel, right? And fallen angels don't have wings, right? They get them ripped off before they fall. Wrong. I was a good fallen angel. I got to keep my wings. Stop laughing-or cursing me if you're an unlucky fallen angel-I'm serious. (Enter GERARD onstage-in different clothes-blue skinny jeans and no shirt-and out of breath. His hair is slightly longer than that of GERARD when he was reading the journal.) Oh, look. That's me when all of this happened. I was coming back from the party. I had been chased all the way home. It seems humans don't like the things they don't believe in to show up at costume parties as themselves. I hoped people would think my wings were fake. No such luck. Let's watch, shall we?

GERARD's DAD offstage

Are you just getting home? You're supposed to be studying for your finals! If you fail what will you do with your life?

GERARD onstage

Yeah, I know! But remember, I've already been kicked out of Heaven! My life can only get so much worse! And I've only heard this lecture a hundred times! I had a problem at the party. So I'm a little late!

DAD

Are we going to have to move again so you don't get run out of town by a mob?

GERARD onstage

Hopefully not. We'll see.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (GERARD onstage does with his hands up giving his DAD the finger.) Good. Maybe you've noticed but I like going shirtless. I thought I was pretty sexy. Anyway, I know what you're thinking. I shouldn't have parents. Fallen angel, right? Well, I have human "parents". A fallen angel who looks about sixteen can only do so much on his own before the cops drag him to foster care. So I got parents who would let me do whatever I wanted-most of the time. CONTINUE! (GERARD onstage unfreezes and puts his arm down)

GERARD onstage

It's really dark in here. If I'm going to study I'm going to need a light.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (GERARD onstage does while looking out the window looking a mixture of scared and pissed) I know, I wasn't the brightest fallen angel in the bunch. Maybe that's why I got to keep my wings. I got smarter after this journey ended. I apologize for all of my stupidity and tactlessness in advance. I'll try to let you watch for a while without interrupting you. CONTINUE! (GERARD onstage does)

GERARD onstage

I can't turn any lights on. There's a mob out there. They don't know where I am yet. Lights will give me away, seeing as it's 2:00 A.M. (He goes and sits in an armchair and pulls his black backpack off the floor. He pulls his final stuff out and begins to try to study) It's no use. It's too dark. I'll have to think of something else. (He pulls his black cell phone out of his pocket and dials a number.) Frank will know what to do.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (GERARD onstage does with his cell phone to his ear) Sorry. It's me again. But this is important. Frank Way. Where to begin? He's my best friend in the world (and above and below it as well, if you know what I mean). He looks about sixteen, like me, but because we're immortal we look sixteen but we're actually a little older than that. We'll look about sixteen for forever. He's drop-dead sexy-in the way people would call goth or emo but both of us will go off on you if you say it to our face because we are not goth or emo, we just like black. Got it? Good. More on why I'm not ashamed to say he's sexy later. All the truly goth or emo girls always ignored me and talked to Frank. And of course we were ignored equally by the girls in pink, thank goodness. He was always dying his hair different colors and getting his nose, lips, tongue, ears, and eyebrows pierced. He's got lots of tattoos as well. All in all, a very original person. A little showier than me. I just dyed my hair black and left it alone. I never got piercings or tattoos because I was terrified of needles. He's gay, but I didn't know that yet. More on that later. He's also an angel. Lives on earth, but has a permanent place in Heaven. He's a little strange as well. You'd have to be to pick Earth over Heaven. I didn't know why he stayed but I was glad that he did. I only found out why he stayed later. You'll see why. CONTINUE! (GERARD onstage unfreezes.)

GERARD onstage

Hey, Frank. You busy?...No? Good. I've got a problem… No, I am perfectly able to pass my finals without divine intervention!…Or cheating…At least, I hope so. I'll get back to you on the cheating…No, divine intervention will never happen…No, the real problem is that there is a big mob outside my house and I can't turn on any lights or they'll find me and try to kill me. I'll live obviously, but it'd just be annoying and I don't have time for that…Yeah, I'm still immortal…Yeah, He was nice to me…Anyway, I can't study for my finals in the dark…Well, I can't pass it without studying!...What do you mean, you can't get rid of the mob?...No involvement in human affairs?...New law?...What am I supposed to do then? I have to get rid of a mob. I need them to forget all about me…Ask Him? Like He'd listen to me. Fallen angel, remember?...Wait, wait, wait. Say that again, slowly?... You want me to build a bridge over the rainbow, go in the black hole, come back to Heaven and tell Him what I saw there?...How will that help?...Three wishes? How cliché…How would I do it? I can't fly that high or that far...You want me to Google the plans for a bridge over the rainbow?...Yeah, the black hole wouldn't be a problem, I don't need air anymore… Yeah, He was generous…Whatever, Frank. So, do I get help with this?... One angel?...Yeah, I'd want you to go, of course!...Yeah, head on over…Yes, now! I don't need to sleep either…Yeah, I know. Generous. Except for the kicking out of heaven deal…Yeah, I know, it was all my fault for doubting Him in the first place…Whatever, I was still right…OK, see you soon. (Hangs up phone and puts it back into his pocket. He gets his books back out.)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (GERARD onstage does, trying to study) Yeah, I was lucky, wasn't I? If you haven't guessed who He is yet, then just leave now. You don't deserve to hear this. Here comes the strangest part yet, so be prepared. CONTINUE! (GERARD onstage unfreezes and throws his books down)

THE VOICE (from all around)

Hello, Gee.

GERARD onstage

You don't sound like a friend, so my name's Gerard!

THE VOICE

I am definitely a friend. A friend in Hell, but a friend nonetheless.

GERARD onstage

Prove it!

THE VOICE

I am here to give you dating advice from the afterlife.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (GERARD onstage does, looking slightly confused) Now, that was not the strangest thing I've ever heard-you'll find out what number one is later-but it made the top ten. So I was slightly freaked. CONTINUE! (GERARD onstage does)

GERARD onstage

Am I that pathetic at relationships that a damned soul in Hell has to give me advice about them?

THE VOICE

Yes, you are. Now, to the advice. You will have two very different opportunities for dating coming at you soon. Neither will be ordinary, but whichever one you choose will be amazing. Don't count either out or decide on one until you think things through. Goodbye, Gee.

GERARD offstage

I guess you're a friend now. Wait! Don't leave! Who am I going to have the opportunity to date? You've confused me more than ever!

THE VOICE (chuckling and fading until it is gone)

You'll know who they are when they are ready to tell you.

(Enter FRANK, rushing in the door. He is wearing a black t-shirt and skinny jeans, with dyed white blond hair and multiple piercings and tattoos but in a sexy not scary way)

FRANK

Hey, Gee!

GERARD

Hey, Frank. Hang on; let me get a shirt on.

FRANK

You don't have to.

GERARD onstage

But I want to. I feel awkward shirtless in front of you. I'm not really sure why. (Stands up then he pulls on a black t-shirt over his wings.) Question: Has a spirit from Hell ever come to you and gave you dating advice from the afterlife?

FRANK

Noooo… But you're such a sad dater you probably need it more than me.

GERARD onstage (sarcastically)

Thanks, Frank.

FRANK

Come on, have you Googled the plans yet?

GERARD

No, I was a bit busy talking to a spirit from Hell.

FRANK

Right. Maybe the stress of a mob is too much for you.

GERARD

I'm not crazy! Speaking of the mob, how did you get past them?

FRANK (reddening and looking embarrassed, ducking his head)

I told them I was visiting my boyfriend. They let me through pretty fast.

GERARD (looking shocked)

Were you serious? Are you gay?

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do, FRANK embarrassed, GERARD onstage confused) I know, tactful, right? I'll save Frank the embarrassing scene of explaining his feelings towards me and telling me that yeah, he's gay and fast forward a bit. FAST FORWARD! (The lights go off for a moment and come back up to FRANK and GERARD onstage moved from standing up by the door to sitting down, each on their own black leather couch with the table in between.) There. I was just beginning to grasp what he'd just told me. CONTINUE! (FRANK and GERARD onstage unfreeze)

GERARD onstage

So…This is a lot to grasp… You're gay?

FRANK

Yep.

GERARD onstage

You're in love with me?

FRANK

Yep.

GERARD onstage

You know, I've never thought of you as gay.

FRANK

I know! All the girls always thought I was sexy and then got mad when I wouldn't date anyone.

GERARD onstage

I always wondered why you didn't date anyone. Now I know why.

FRANK

So?

GERARD onstage

So what?

FRANK (reddening and looking embarrassed)

Do you feel the same way?

GERARD onstage

I don't know, Frank. Will you let me think about it? If I was gay, you'd be the first guy I'd ask out, but I'm not sure I am gay yet.

FRANK

Could you be bisexual?

GERARD onstage

Let's build the bridge and I promise you that when I'm in Heaven explaining what I saw to Him I'll tell you my answer.

FRANK

All right. I guess I can wait. Will you take your shirt back off?

GERARD onstage

No, Frank. I told you, that's awkward.

FRANK

Damn.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) Well. I knew who the first person I have the opportunity to date is. Maybe that spirit in Hell did know what he was talking about. I really didn't expect Frank to tell me that he was gay. It was unexpected, but not necessarily a bad thing. Frank was a great guy. CONTINUE! (FRANK and GERARD onstage unfreeze, stand up and go get a laptop. They then sit back down, but FRANK sits on the couch GERARD onstage was on. FRANK sits way too close and GERARD onstage shoves him away but FRANK just scoots over and remains on the same couch. GERARD onstage shakes his head but lets him stay.)

GERARD onstage

OK, I'm Googling "how to build a bridge over the rainbow"…Wow. One million hits.

FRANK

Add "to the black hole" to your search.

(GERARD onstage does)

GERARD onstage

One hit. From .org.

FRANK

That's the one. Print it out.

(GERARD onstage does)

GERARD onstage

It's easy! All I need is a tree, a rainbow, and this spell. This spell? (turning his head away from the laptop to look at FRANK) I don't believe in magic.

FRANK

Call it an incantation then. This is the real deal.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do and the lights all go off. Nothing is seen.) Well, I'll skip the next couple weeks. They were boring and awkward. There was always a mob outside so I couldn't leave and Frank stayed to help me look for rainbows. We had to stay in the same house after Frank had professed his love for me. I often saw him looking at me, wishing for me to just tell him how I felt already. Two weeks of boring, awkward Hell on Earth. I'll skip to when we finally saw our rainbow and made a major mistake. FAST FORWARD! There. We tried to tell my "parents" (you can hear the air quotes in his voice) about our plan. CONTINUE! (The lights come back up to the living room. GERARD onstage and FRANK and DAD and MOM enter and sit down (GERARD onstage and FRANK on one couch-FRANK again sits too close and is shoved by GERARD onstage-and MOM and DAD on the other) with a rainbow clearly visibly through the window. It fades during the conversation but no one notices.)

DAD

All right. We've been patient the last two weeks. Now we want answers. Frank, why have you been here all the time? You haven't left once.

FRANK (quickly)

I'm in love with Gee and we're going to build a bridge over the rainbow to the black hole so we can tell Him what we saw there so Gee can get three wishes and make the mob forget that he is a fallen angel.

GERARD onstage

It sounds a lot crazier when you say it out loud.

(MOM and DAD sit stunned, until DAD snaps out of it and gets mad)

DAD

You two are gay?

FRANK

Yes.

GERARD onstage

I haven't decided yet. It's all very confusing.

(GERARD onstage walks over to the window and looks out. He sees that the rainbow has disappeared.)

GERARD onstage

Our rainbow! Frank! It's gone!

FRANK

Are you serious? That's what you get for wanting to tell the humans!

GERARD onstage

Hey! They happen to be the closest thing to family I have!

(Silence)

FRANK

I'm sorry, Gee. But it's been two weeks! There's too much suspense! Just tell me how you feel-RIGHT NOW-or I'll go crazy!

GERARD onstage

(aside) It may be a little late for that. (to all) Mom, Dad? Please leave. I have to talk to Frank.

DAD

All right. Just don't do anything stupid.

FRANK (sarcastically)

Us? The best angels ever? Of course not.

(Exit MOM and DAD. GERARD onstage goes and sits back down next to FRANK. GERARD onstage turns to face him and then FRANK turns and looks at GERARD onstage. Then GERARD onstage scoots toward FRANK. They are suddenly sitting very close. Their faces are just inches apart.)

GERARD onstage (softly)

Frank, the reason I have to wait to tell you how I feel is because of what the damned spirit from Hell said. He told me I would have two people who wanted to date me and that they would be very different. I need to see who the other person before I make a decision. If it was just you I would tell you I love you right now. Wait. I just kind of did, didn't I? And I meant it, too. I love you. But we can't date until I see who the other person is. Can you wait now, Frank?

FRANK (softly)

I can wait. I love you, too. But…

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do, with GERARD looking confused and FRANK looking wistful and hopeful) This is the one part I don't regret of my time so far. Just watch and see. CONTINUE! (They unfreeze)

GERARD onstage (warily)

But what?

FRANK

If you want me to wait longer, then I need something.

GERARD onstage

Whatever you want, Frank.

FRANK

No backing out now. You just told me I could have whatever I want.

GERARD onstage

Yes, I did. Now, what do you want?

FRANK

First, I want you to kiss me and go shirtless all the time.

GERARD onstage (leans back so they're not sitting so close)

Wait, wait, wait. Three things: One, there's more than one thing? Two, didn't I just say I had to wait until I met the other person before we dated? And three, why do I have to go shirtless?

FRANK

You're sexy shirtless.

GERARD onstage

Maybe, but not that sexy. Shirtless isn't going to happen.

FRANK

Okay, fine. How about the kiss? A kiss isn't dating.

GERARD onstage

OK, we can't do anything until I meet the other person.

FRANK

You said I could have whatever I wanted.

GERARD onstage

That's before I heard what you wanted!

FRANK

I'm okay with you not going shirtless, but you are going to kiss me.

GERARD onstage

I am immortal to Jedi mind tricks, young Padawan.

FRANK

If I'm a Padawan, what does that make you?

GERARD onstage

A Sith lord, of course.

FRANK

I think you've got a warped sense of reality. You must have left your sense in Heaven. Switch the Padawan and Sith and it would be a lot better.

(GERARD onstage suddenly leans forward, back to where he was when their faces were really close, and kisses FRANK. FRANK looks surprised for a minute and then kisses him back. They kiss passionately for several minutes.)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do, still locked in an embrace and kissing.) There you go. The one thing so far I didn't regret. Frank was a good kisser. Sorry to every girl (or guy) who's ever dreamed of kissing him. It's so much better in real life. Plus, to my knowing, I'm the only person Frank has ever kissed-or ever will kiss, according to him. CONTINUE! (They unfreeze and stop kissing after a moment-there is silence for a time.)

FRANK

Well. You're a pretty good kisser.

GERARD onstage

That's amazing, considering I've never kissed anyone before. You're pretty good yourself.

FRANK (still shocked)

Wow. I didn't expect you to kiss me yet. I thought I would have to bug you for weeks. If you're a Sith lord, then you're a rather corruptible one.

GERARD onstage

You can be the Sith lord of kissing.

FRANK

Why?

GERARD onstage

You deserve it. And your kissing is very dangerous.

(Pause-GERARD onstage gets up and begins pacing)

GERARD onstage (warily)

What's number two?

FRANK (after a pause)

Don't tell Him-or anyone else- that I'm gay. Or that we're dating-if we date (seeing GERARD onstage's face). How about you don't tell Him we kissed? People get kicked out of Heaven for that. And they don't get to stay immortal or keep their wings, like some lucky people I know. (Elbows GERARD onstage)

GERARD onstage (sarcastically)

Won't He know already? Doesn't he watch our every move so he can be ready to send us to Hell the second we do something wrong?

FRANK

Watch it, that's what got you kicked out of Heaven in the first place.

GERARD onstage

It's true, isn't it? He never watches Earth.

FRANK

Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to tell everyone.

GERARD onstage

What more could He do to me anyway?

FRANK

Maybe make you mortal, take your wings and make you need sleep and air again? Or would you not care?

GERARD onstage

I don't believe he could do that. He could send me to Hell but then he would send you too and it wouldn't be Hell anymore. I won't tell Him though, because it'll make you happy.

FRANK

You don't know anything about Hell.

GERARD onstage

I really don't want to.

(Silence)

FRANK

What would you do if we never found a rainbow?

GERARD onstage

Swear a lot, go shirtless, kiss you…

FRANK (laughing)

Would you really?

GERARD onstage

I would probably allow dating right then since I wouldn't meet the other person.

FRANK

How do you know that you wouldn't meet the other person?

GERARD onstage

I just have a feeling that I will meet the other person on the bridge over the rainbow, in the black hole or in Heaven itself.

FRANK

How can you know that?

GERARD onstage

It's not something I can explain. I just know.

FRANK

Whatever. This is selfish and terrible of me, but I don't care. I hope you never meet them or if you do, that you hate them.

GERARD onstage

It's a fine wish. It's not selfish at all. If I was in the same position, I would feel the same way.

FRANK

Thanks.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do. GERARD onstage is turned toward FRANK. He is still standing up. They are smiling at each other.) How sweet. This is one of my

favorite memories of this journey. It reminds me that we were-and still are-in love. But then I remember the Star Wars part and I remember what geeks we were. But we were happy geeks. CONTINUE! (They do-GERARD onstage is still pacing and FRANK is still sitting down.)

GERARD onstage

OK, enough talking about love for now. We need to get down to business. Like, this "incantation" (you can hear the air quotes in his voice)? Can you prove it works? What if it doesn't? I'll have to move again, right? You'll move with me, won't you?

FRANK

Whoa, whoa, whoa, one question at a time! Which one would you like me to answer first?

GERARD onstage

If I had to move, would you move with me?

FRANK

I can't.

GERARD onstage

Can't or won't?

FRANK

You're not doubting the fact that I love you, are you? Because that's set in stone, no matter who you choose in the end. He wouldn't allow me to move. This is my post. I can only be moved once every twenty years. And people-or fallen angels-from out of town can't visit me. Stupid laws, but laws.

GERARD onstage

(Aside, looking down and muttering) You're breaking enough already. (To FRANK) How many years have you been here?

FRANK

The same number you have.

GERARD onstage

I've only lived here eight! I can't live without you for twelve years!

FRANK

I don't even know why you're bothering with waiting to date me. You're so obviously in love with me as much as I'm in love with you.

GERARD onstage

I just have to wait. It's a pride thing.

FRANK

More like a stubborn thing.

GERARD onstage (ignoring FRANK)

So moving is out of the question. I have to have my three wishes or get attacked by a mob everyday. So, can you prove the incantation works?

FRANK

No. You'll just have to have faith, which I know is difficult for you, you poor fallen angel.

GERARD onstage

If it doesn't work is there another way to get my three wishes or to get the mob to go away?

FRANK

Not now. A few months ago, maybe. Now angels can't influence mortals-and you obviously can't, since you lost your powers when you fell.

GERARD onstage

Do you have to remind me that I fell in every other sentence?

FRANK

It's in my job description to make fallen angels feel guilty.

GERARD onstage

It also probably says not to be gay, or fall in love with fallen angels.

FRANK

Well, all the more reason to obey as many rules as possible. I'm breaking enough as it is.

(Enter MOM and DAD)

DAD (speaking as he and MOM walk to the empty couch.)

It is safe to come in?

GERARD onstage (as his MOM and DAD sit down)

I hope so, considering you just walked in.

DAD

I'll take that as a yes. You two aren't kissing, so it's safe in here.

FRANK (laughing and beckoning to GERARD)

Oh, we were just taking a break. Gee's a great kisser. Come on, Gee! Show them what a good kisser you are!

GERARD onstage (laughing, stops pacing and sits next to FRANK but shoves him off when FRANK tries to kiss him but lets him sit very close.) Frank, stop! My dad might have a heart attack. Look at his face! What's wrong, Dad? You've never seen two guys kiss before?

DAD (Trying to contain his laughter)

It's not funny! Stop laughing (to MOM)! You've already got a mob outside because you're a fallen angel! We don't need them knowing you're gay, too!

FRANK

We'll be out of here as soon as there's a rainbow anyway. Then the next time you see us the mob will have forgotten all about fallen angels.

DAD

How is that going to work, anyway?

MOM

Magic, I suppose.

GERARD onstage (sarcastically)

Of course. An incantation! The real deal, according to Frank.

FRANK

It is real! You just don't have any faith.

GERARD onstage (softly)

I believe you, Frank.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) Sorry for interrupting, but it's been too long since we've talked. I don't want you to forget about me. Anyway, I'm a full-blown skeptic, huh? You'd think an angel would believe in magic. Most do, but I'm fallen, remember? I'm not the angel everyone strives to be like. I had no faith in anything. Mostly, I was right, but unfaithful nonetheless. CONTINUE! (They unfreeze)

GERARD onstage

Back to the magic. All we need is a rainbow, a tree, and this incantation. As soon as we see a rainbow, we run out and climb the tree, say the incantation that will allow only us up the bridge and begin to climb.

FRANK

It is said that there are many terrible creatures on the bridge but as long as you have faith they will not hurt you. Gee, you better be faithful or you'll get killed.

GERARD onstage

I believe in Him and that he will not let me be killed.

FRANK

Sure you do. You're just lucky I know what to do in case of attack.

GERARD onstage

Of course, the brave prince Frank rescues the unfaithful damsel in distress Gee, all for a kiss or two.

FRANK

Yes, chivalry is not dead.

GERARD onstage

What kind of monsters will you be rescuing me from, fair prince?

FRANK

No one knows. The people who have made it across the bridge and in and out of the black hole have been sworn to secrecy by Him, so you will have to just depend on faith.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, because I have so much of that. How do you know there are any monsters if no one is allowed to tell?

FRANK

I have remained in Heaven longer than you have. I have heard stories from His servants themselves.

GERARD onstage

Because they're so reliable. Didn't about half of them fall last week?

FRANK

Well…These were some of the half that didn't fall!

GERARD onstage

Sure they are, Frank.

(GERARD stands up, walks to the window and looks out. He yells and suddenly the door's being knocked down.)

FRANK

What's going on, Gee?

GERARD onstage

I was checking for rainbows and mobs and someone was looking in the window! They know it's me! They're breaking the door down!

MOM

Go upstairs! Lock the door! We'll hold them off!

(GERARD and FRANK run for GERARD's bedroom, which has a lock, leaving MOM and DAD behind)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do-on the stairs) Sorry to break in at such a suspenseful time, but I know all of you are wondering why we ran. We're immortal, remember? They had guns and a well-placed bullet wouldn't kill us but it would paralyze us. We were hoping that the mob wouldn't shoot innocent humans. And I apologize for my messy room in advance. CONTINUE! (They unfreeze, go into GERARD onstage's room and lock the door.)

(GERARD onstage walks to the window and looks out)

GERARD onstage

They cut down the tree!

FRANK

What?

GERARD onstage

And you'll never believe it! There's a rainbow!

FRANK

We'll have to make a run for it-or a fly, I should say. Are there people in the backyard?

GERARD onstage

A few, but if we fly we should make it to the next closest tree before the rainbow disappears or they shoot us. Once we're on the bridge, the rainbow won't disappear, will it?

FRANK

No, I'm positive it will stay. No one else will be able to climb it either. We'll be safe on the rainbow. Or at least safer. Let's fly.

(They fly out the window. FRANK and GERARD both have black wings. There is shouts from down below, but no shots are fired. They land in the tree. GERARD onstage shouts something in a different language and the bridge appears. They begin to walk. They are not on the rainbow itself but on a bridge. It has green grass all over it.)

GERARD onstage

I hope my parents are okay. They've done a lot for me.

FRANK

If you had any faith you'd know that He won't let them die.

GERARD onstage

I hope not.

FRANK

You have to have faith here, Gee. Remember that. If you have faith nothing will go wrong.

GERARD onstage

I hope you're right.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) Me again. I just was thinking how much of a whiny brat I sounded there. Sorry for that. A little bit of trivia for you. Frank-and the Voice, although that wasn't my choice-are the only people who have ever called me Gee to this point. Not even my "parents". The monsters you will meet soon don't listen very well so you'll be hearing a lot of "Gee"s. Just know that I didn't approve and Frank thought it was funny. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

Here comes our first obstacle.

FRANK

That doesn't look like a monster.

GERARD onstage

I didn't say monster, I said obstacle… (BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG comes into view. He looks identical to the way he did in the "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" music video when he's walking, not when he's playing guitar-eyeliner, hair, clothes, shoes, belt, everything.) It's Billie Joe Armstrong!

FRANK

Some people think he's a monster.

GERARD onstage

Not me. And you probably think he's sexy.

FRANK

Of course. Can you disagree?

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do with BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG in the frame.) Yeah, Billie Joe makes an appearance. Some people do think that he and Green Day in general are monsters, but me and Frank disagreed. Plus he is one of our "monsters" (you again can hear the air quotes) who I allowed to call me Gee. Notice that I didn't agree nor disagree with Frank when he asked if I thought Billie Joe was sexy. I do. CONTINUE! (They unfreeze)

BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG

Hello, Gee Iero. Hello, Frank Way.

GERARD onstage

Normally, I'd say my name was Gerard, but you can call me whatever you want, Billie Joe.

BILLIE JOE

Good. 'Cause even if you didn't like it I would say it anyway.

FRANK

So what's our obstacle?

GERARD onstage

Is there an obstacle?

BILLIE JOE

Of course.

FRANK

What is it?

BILLIE JOE

You have to answer one question.

FRANK

OK, what is it?

BILLIE JOE

Do you think I was sexier with black or blond hair?

FRANK

Black, for sure. The blond was weird.

GERARD onstage

I liked the blond. It was just so different.

BILLIE JOE

Good. You told me the truth and didn't agree with each other. You also didn't say neither.

FRANK

Who would say neither?

GERARD onstage

Yeah, you're very sexy.

BILLIE JOE

Thank you. Good job. You may pass.

FRANK

Are all the obstacles this easy?

BILLIE JOE

No. They get harder.

(Pause)

GERARD onstage

Billie Joe? ...You're not dead, are you?

BILLIE JOE (laughing)

No, I just owe Him a favor.

GERARD onstage

Good. Bye then.

(GERARD and FRANK walk past BILLIE JOE, leaving him behind.)

FRANK

Too bad all our obstacles aren't like Billie Joe.

GERARD onstage

Maybe they will be. Billie Joe could be sworn to secrecy and be lying.

FRANK

I guess so. But you really liked Billie Joe with blond hair?

GERARD onstage

Yeah. It was different. I think I liked it because everyone else hated it.

FRANK

OK. (Pause) Do you think he's sexier than me?

GERARD onstage

No way. You are much sexier.

FRANK

Thanks. If you're lying don't tell me.

GERARD onstage

I'm not lying.

(Pause)

FRANK

You've met Him personally, right?

GERARD onstage

Yeah, but we weren't on the best of terms. I was getting kicked out of Heaven.

FRANK

I guess, but He was still nice, wasn't He? He just said He wished he didn't have to do it, it was too bad, you had such potential…Right?

GERARD onstage

Yeah.

FRANK

So how can you still not believe that He doesn't care about us and doesn't watch over us?

GERARD onstage

I never said He didn't care.

FRANK

Okay, but you're still unfaithful.

GERARD onstage

It's not something I can explain. It just feels right to me to be unfaithful.

FRANK

Well, it's my job to argue with you, but…

GERARD onstage

But what?

FRANK

Sometimes I agree that He is too harsh.

GERARD onstage (in mock horror)

Wow! That's probably the most blasphemous thing you've ever said!

FRANK (laughing)

Just don't tell anyone. Him especially!

GERARD onstage (laughing)

I don't know, it's probably my duty to report you for such blasphemous talking…

FRANK

Then I'd be a fallen angel, like you! But I probably wouldn't keep my immortality or my wings, and I like to fly.

GERARD onstage

Look! It's our next obstacle. Wow. I'll call this one a monster for sure.

(They walk up to a GIRL dressed all in pink and talking on her cell phone. She sees them and hangs up.)

GIRL

Hi, Gee! Hi, Frank!

GERARD onstage

(to FRANK) Definitely a monster. She's all in pink! (to all) My name's Gerard, except to friends.

GIRL

I'm a friend!

GERARD onstage

Not all in pink, you're not.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They all do.) I know; I had a problem with pink. But remember, I was the guy everyone called goth or emo. I wore black all the time and so did Frank. Pink was the most horrible color for me. I couldn't stand it. Plus, she called me Gee. A girl all in pink is never going to get away with calling me Gee, because she will never be my friend. CONTINUE! (They do.)

GIRL

What do you have against pink? It's a happy color!

FRANK

Not to us. If you haven't noticed we were the people who wore black and were called emo in school.

GERARD onstage

Or goth.

GIRL

Well, Gee and Frank, then you should have worn pink!

GERARD onstage

My name is Gerard. Never in a million years. Black is the best color.

FRANK

And the sexiest. What's our obstacle?

GIRL  
Explain to me why you like black so much.

GERARD onstage

That's it?

GIRL

Yeah!

GERARD onstage

OK. Black is a safe color. It makes me disappear. Plus all the people wearing pink-like you- stay away from me.

FRANK

I don't do it to disappear; I do it to stand out. I need attention. I need people to talk about me. But I was the one who was always dying his hair red or black or blond, like today, but I'm gonna dye it black when I get back to Earth. I also got tattoos and piercings, obviously. Gee, you were the one who only died his hair black and left it that way, and you never got any piercings or tattoos either.

GERARD onstage

Yeah. I don't like needles at all.

FRANK

I, obviously, didn't have a problem with them.

GIRL

You're kind of scary.

GERARD onstage

Well, so are you all in pink!

GIRL

Whatever. Anyway, you pass. Go on, Gee. Bye, Frank.

GERARD onstage

My name is Gerard.

GIRL

Whatever.

(GERARD onstage and FRANK walk past the GIRL, leaving her behind.)

FRANK

Well. That was odd.

GERARD onstage

I hate those type of girls. Luckily, most of them hate me too.

FRANK (VERY happy and teasing)

Maybe that was the other person you have the opportunity to date.

GERARD onstage

The Voice did say both the possible relationships would be very different and strange. But he also said that they would tell me when they were ready.

FRANK

How is our relationship strange?

GERARD onstage

You mean other than the fact that we're gay?

FRANK

Oh. Right. But that's not that strange. Plenty of people are gay.

GERARD onstage

Well, fallen angels probably aren't supposed to date angels either.

FRANK

Yeah, I guess that's strange.

GERARD onstage

But anyway, you just want her to be the other person because you know I hate her and you want to date me as soon as possible.

FRANK

Well, yeah. Can you blame me?

GERARD onstage

I guess not. If I was in your position, I might do the same thing.

FRANK

No way. You're Mister Strong-And-Silent-Type. You would have never admitted you were gay and that you loved me in the first place.

GERARD onstage

Probably not. I might have told you eventually but probably through a text. Never face to face like you did.

(Pause)

GERARD onstage

It's getting dark. We should stop.

FRANK

You can't see in the dark anymore?

GERARD onstage

No. He left me my immortality and took away my night vision. I refuse to be led. That would be humiliating, even if you were leading me.

FRANK

All right, we'll stop. We've got plenty of time. The rainbow isn't going anywhere.

(They both lay down on their backs looking at the stars-silence)

FRANK

Do you believe we are truly immortal?

GERARD onstage

Yes. I think we can be damned, but we cannot be killed.

FRANK

I guess Hell was created for angels in the first place so that would make sense.

GERARD onstage

What do you think dying is like?

FRANK

I visited Heaven a few weeks ago and talked to a newly dead girl who was about our age. I asked her to explain death to me. She said it was like sleeping only once you were asleep you were still aware of everything. She said death was the scariest thing ever and the best thing ever.

GERARD onstage

How was it the best thing ever?

FRANK

She said that she felt release and safety. She was an atheist, too.

GERARD onstage

An atheist? In Heaven? I thought they were damned immediately.

FRANK

He is being more accommodating now. He takes atheists as long as they weren't criminals and they didn't try to make other people become atheists as well.

GERARD onstage

But yet He still casts angels out of Heaven for doubting.

FRANK

Still sore after eight years. Remind me to never have you mad at me. You really can hold a grudge. But it's a step in the right direction. He's trying.

GERARD onstage

If He damned ever person that ever doubted Him, Heaven would be empty.

FRANK

And obviously it isn't. He is forgiving.

GERARD onstage

To humans, not angels.

FRANK

Angels were supposed to be the ultimate beings. Perfect in every way. He didn't want any angels that weren't perfect in Heaven.

GERARD onstage

You're still there. And no offense, but you're not perfect. You've doubted Him.

FRANK

Yes. In a fair world, I would be fallen by now. But I am one of his good spies who at least try to blend in.

GERARD onstage (gesturing to FRANK's hair, piercings, tattoos and black clothes)

Because you blend in so well. You even told that pink monster that you do all this to stand out.

FRANK

Yeah. I like attention. I need it. But I don't show my wings all the time. So I am a useful spy.

GERARD onstage

That's one way we're different. I want to blend in and you want to stand out.

FRANK

You stand out too. You just don't notice it as much.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! Hey. Long time, no see-or no hear in my case. I know, I am whining and holding a grudge. Sorry. It's in my nature. But, I just realized that Frank was right and that I did stand out. But I stood out in a different way. Frank was noticeable. I stood out because I was trying to blend in. I never realized that until now. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

Well, damn. Then all my work was pointless. I don't want to stand out, but I do want to make a difference.

FRANK

You will. And you do. You've changed my life. You've changed your parents' lives.

GERARD onstage

You, maybe, but I've just my "parents'" lives worse. For all I know I've caused them to get shot by now.

FRANK

I don't think the mob will shoot your parents.

GERARD onstage

I don't see why not. They're guilty in the mobs' minds. They hid me.

FRANK

Remember, Gee, faith.

GERARD onstage

I really am trying.

FRANK

Try harder.

GERARD onstage

I have more faith then some angels. Remember that one that thought he was dreaming? He tried to kill himself. He failed obviously but then He sent the poor angel to Earth.

FRANK

I think that it sounds like that Earth is the best place for him.

GERARD onstage

I don't know. He probably killed himself and ended up in Hell.

FRANK

How do you know he went to Hell?

GERARD onstage

Don't all fallen angels who lose their immortality and die go to Hell? Suicide victims as well?

FRANK

There's at least one example of each I can think of.

GERARD onstage

Maybe there's hope for Heaven yet. Who?

FRANK

A girl who committed suicide showed up in Heaven when I was there last time. She said that He had let her in as long as she realized what she had done was wrong. He read her mind and realized that she really was sorry and she got to stay in Heaven. As far as fallen angels go, one boy fell for being gay, amazingly enough, and when he died he was let into Heaven because he stuck to his faith. He's even allowed to talk to guys.

GERARD onstage

But not date them.

FRANK

No. But it's a step in the right direction.

GERARD onstage

A baby step.

FRANK

A lot of baby steps are being taken and soon Heaven will be as modern as Earth. I just hope that we won't get all of Earth's problems in Heaven as well.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do)Well, believe me, that was good to hear. I would like to have Heaven be a place for everyone who was good-fallen angels included-to go. I think He is realizing that a second full stage war is on its way if he doesn't become more modern soon. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

I think that Heaven would have to have problems. It already does. If it becomes an all-inclusive place then we will get clashes over religion, race and how faithful they are or were...

FRANK

I guess problems are a part of life. If Heaven had some problems, He might change the way it's run and it would be much better.

(Pause)

GERARD onstage

Frank? Are there more gay angels in Heaven?

FRANK

Very few. No one I ever liked.

GERARD onstage

Did you ever like any gay humans?

FRANK

No one. You are the only person I've ever loved. I messed around with some girls a while ago, but none of them were ever special. That was before I decided I was gay, obviously.

GERARD onstage

You're the only person I ever loved as well. I never had any real feelings for any one. I never even loved my "parents". I was just grateful.

FRANK

You don't love Him?

GERARD onstage

No. I'm grateful to Him, but I don't love Him.

(Pause)

FRANK

I think that you are the most human fallen angel I have ever met.

GERARD onstage

How so?

FRANK

You don't miss Heaven. You're happy on Earth. You have human emotions. Usually when angels fall, they go a little crazy and don't ever talk to anyone. You're not like that. You have a will to live. You talk to people-sometimes. You try to appear normal. You also are the most angel-like fallen angel I have ever met. Angels are like you. They doubt sometimes too, and they are social. That is the biggest difference between fallen angels and angels who still have a spot in Heaven.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) I really needed to hear that speech. It made me realize however average I felt, I was extraordinary in terms of fallen angels. I had always thought that I would never be anything because I fell, but Frank made me realize with all his talk on changes in Heaven and my special-ness among fallen angels that I could be something different. Sorry for all the deep talk. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

Thanks, Frank. I've never felt more special.

FRANK

I'm completely serious.

GERARD onstage

I know. (Pause) Frank? No offense, but can we not talk anymore tonight? You've given me a lot to think about.

FRANK

I've got one more thing to say.  
GERARD onstage

OK.

FRANK

After we get off this rainbow and back to Earth, will you…(Pause)

GERARD onstage

Will I what, Frank?

FRANK

Will you sleep with me? (GERARD onstage stares at him for a minute with a WTF look then bursts out laughing) What's so funny? I'm serious.

GERARD onstage

I'm sorry, Frank, but we went from being all deep to talking about sex! It was just kind of out there.

FRANK (sounding hurt and turning away)

Whatever. I won't talk anymore.

GERARD onstage (turning FRANK back towards him)

Aww, come on, Frank, don't be mad!

FRANK

I'm not.

GERARD onstage

Yes, you are. (Pause) Frank? I will sleep with you whenever you want.

FRANK

Really?

GERARD onstage

Really.

FRANK

How about now?

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do and all the lights go off) I know, I'm cutting into a suspenseful time. Just know this- I said yes. So I'll fast forward to morning. You don't get to see us have sex. I'm sorry. FAST FORWARD! There. Morning. CONTINUE! (The lights come back up to show FRANK and GERARD fully dressed, kissing.)

GERARD onstage (between kisses)

We should get going.

FRANK

I don't ever want to move.

GERARD onstage

Me neither, but… (Pause, during which they kiss) No more kissing. I'm moving on. You coming? (He stands up and helps FRANK up. They start walking.) We've been bad, now we should be good and go and get my three wishes.

FRANK

We haven't been that bad.

GERARD onstage

I haven't. I'm a fallen angel, I can do whatever I want. But you probably aren't supposed to be gay and have sex with me.

FRANK

What He doesn't know won't hurt Him.

GERARD onstage

Wow. I must be rubbing off on you. You're breaking all the rules now.

FRANK

If breaking the rules means I get more nights like last night then it's worth it.

GERARD onstage (seeing a man smoking marijuana)

Oh, look. Our next obstacle.

FRANK

He's smoking something and it's not a regular cigarette.

GERARD onstage

That makes him a monster. (To the smoker) Hey!

SMOKER

Hey, Gee. Hey, Frank.

GERARD onstage

My name's Gerard except to friends.

SMOKER

Harsh. I could be a friend. Want to smoke some marijuana with me?

GERARD onstage

No way. I'm clean.

FRANK

Me too.

SMOKER

You sure?

GERARD onstage

Definitely. It would really affect us too. Angels-and fallen angels-can't smoke marijuana.

SMOKER

Why not?

FRANK

We become blind and have visions.

GERARD onstage

They're really creepy.

SMOKER

How would you know? You ever done it?

FRANK

No, He told us.

SMOKER

He could be lying.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, He could be.

SMOKER

You're breaking a lot of rules already. I heard you last night.

GERARD onstage (reddening)

All the more reasons to follow as many rules as possible.

FRANK (also red)

Yeah. And why were you listening? That is really creepy.

SMOKER

I couldn't sleep and you were too loud to ignore.

GERARD onstage (still red)

Whatever. What's our obstacle?

SMOKER

You had to refuse the drugs. You can pass.

FRANK (still red)

Awesome! Let's go. (FRANK and GERARD walk past the SMOKER, leaving him behind) Let's be sure the next night we stop that there isn't any one around.

GERARD onstage

Why don't we just not do anything until we go home?

FRANK

Because, who knows how long that will be? Last night was too amazing to wait too much longer to do it again.

GERARD onstage

I agree, but who knows who's listening? What if he tells on us?

FRANK

I don't think he will.

GERARD onstage

Why not?

FRANK

He would have to give Him a reason why he was up all night. He would read his mind and know it's marijuana, and drug addicts are out of Heaven, no matter what.

GERARD onstage

At least for now. You said that Heaven was changing, for the better mostly.

FRANK

I don't know if drug addicts will ever be allowed in.

GERARD onstage

He might not be a drug addict. He could have been smoking because He told him to test us.

FRANK

I don't think He acts that way.

GERARD onstage

You're probably right. He doesn't tell people to smoke just to test someone.

(Silence)

FRANK

Do you think He already knows what is in the black hole?

GERARD onstage

He might, but I doubt it. Why would he offer three wishes to anyone who could tell him what was in it if he already knew? Unless it's constantly changing.

FRANK

He might just want the people to go on the journey. You know, to have them learn. Think about what we've done on this trip.

GERARD onstage

You professed your love for me, we kissed, we had sex, and we met Billie Joe Armstrong. And we're not even done with this trip yet.

FRANK

You didn't even mention the drug addict and the pink monster.

GERARD onstage

Well, I'm trying to forget about them.

FRANK

Why? They still helped us learn.

GERARD onstage

How did they help us at all?

FRANK

We learned not to give into peer pressure with the smoker.

GERARD onstage

I guess? And the pink monster?

FRANK

Tolerance? You weren't very tolerant, but it's the thought that counts.

GERARD onstage

There is another fault in my long line of disadvantages. Are you sure you're in love with me? I'm far from perfect.

FRANK

I'm definitely not anywhere near perfect either. Plus, most of the things you think of as disadvantages, I think of as advantages. But I definitely love you. I had sex with you, didn't I?

GERARD onstage

That could be lust, not love.

FRANK

I wouldn't do that to you, Gee.

GERARD onstage

I know you wouldn't, Frank.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) Frank was right. I had really bad self-esteem then. Frank was the perfect guy for me. He knew what I thought was wrong with me were good things and he helped me realize that. He said that he was far from perfect but I think that he is a lot closer then I am. But there I go with the low self-esteem again. Whatever. It's mostly true anyway. CONTINUE! (They do)

FRANK

Hey, Gee, do you have your iPod?

GERARD onstage

Yeah, why?

FRANK

I need some music. Do you have any Pencey Prep or Leathermouth on your iPod?

GERARD onstage

Yeah, of course!

FRANK

Can we both listen to it?

GERARD onstage

Yeah. (pulls his green iPod Nano out, scrolls through and puts on Leathermouth. They put the earbuds in, one each, but it is still so loud that the audience can hear it.) Too loud?

FRANK

No, perfect.

(Silence, except for the music)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do but the music is still heard) I loved Leathermouth. A lot of people didn't get them, but you just had to listen hard. That was another reason I didn't have many friends other than Frank. Where I lived there weren't a lot of people who listened to any thing but country or pop. No one liked bands like Leathermouth, Pencey Prep, My Chemical Romance, Green Day, Flyleaf, Dashboard Confessional, or Death Cab for Cutie-all great bands in the alternative rock category. So misunderstood. CONTINUE! (They do)

(Silence for a while with them listening to the music)

GERARD onstage

That's all of Leathermouth.

FRANK

I wish they would have a new album come out.

GERARD onstage

They will someday. Do you want to listen to something else?

FRANK

No, music isn't right for right now. I need to talk.

GERARD onstage

OK, about what?

FRANK

What will the other person have to be like for you to pick them over me?

GERARD onstage

I'm not sure anyone can beat you out now, but it would feel wrong to here someone tell me they love me and have to tell them that I'm already dating someone, you know?

FRANK

Yeah, I guess that would be awkward. So, no one is better than me right now?

GERARD onstage

I can't imagine anyone being better for me than you.

FRANK

How am I good for you exactly?

GERARD onstage

You remind me that I'm still alive. If it wasn't for you I would be one of those fallen angels who become hermits and never talk to anyone.

FRANK

I don't think so. You need attention but in a different way than me. I need strangers to talk about me. I need negative attention-I get plenty of that from the parents in town-and from Him. You need positive, intimate attention from people you love and people who love you.

GERARD onstage

I guess so. But He doesn't like the way you look?

FRANK

He thinks it makes me think suicidal thoughts-or at least look like I think suicidal thoughts.

GERARD onstage

Yet another stereotype.

FRANK

Yeah, plenty of girls all in pink have killed themselves. But He also thinks I look devilish. You know, angels wear white and demons wear black?

GERARD onstage

That is so stupid! We could wear black and be perfect angels.

FRANK

We aren't, but we could be.

GERARD onstage

Do angels swear in Heaven?

FRANK

We're not supposed to, but people that swear stay in Heaven. Unless you swear at Him.

GERARD onstage

What would happen if I swore at Him?

FRANK

To you? Probably not much. You're a fallen angel. You're responsible for your own actions.

(Pause)

GERARD onstage

What's Hell like?

FRANK

Always dark, you're always alone, you can't talk, your thoughts are not yours alone…

GERARD onstage (interrupting FRANK)

What do you mean?

FRANK

The Devil listens to them.

GERARD onstage

Hell doesn't sound that bad.

FRANK

It isn't for a while. But then you get hungry and thirsty and you can't die. There is no sleep. There is no end to the torment. The smell of your own body rotting is always in your nose. You see the flesh fall off your bones until you're just a skeleton with eyes. You can never close your eyes or hold your nose so you can pretend it's not real. Most people go insane.

GERARD onstage

I changed my mind. Hell sounds bad. Is it like that for everyone?

FRANK

Unless you were extra bad. Then the Devil might allow you to be a warden. That's marginally better. You aren't tortured, you torture others.

GERARD onstage

Could we be sent to Hell?

FRANK

You can't.

GERARD onstage

Why not? You can?

FRANK

You can't because you've been on Earth and are fallen. You are stuck on Earth forever. I can because I'm still an angel. Only angels and humans can be damned. You are in between.

GERARD onstage

So if He finds about us being gay and all you could be sent to Hell and I'd never see you again?

FRANK

It's possible, but it's more likely that I would just fall and probably keep my immortality.

GERARD onstage

That wouldn't be so bad.

FRANK

There are worse things.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) That was depressing, wasn't it? I was slightly obsessed with death and Hell. I think it was because I was immortal. What you can't have you want, right? Except I didn't want to die, I just wanted to understand it. I was too curious. There's another fault in my growing list of reasons why I fell. I was just beginning to understand why I fell after eight years. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

Let's switch to a happier topic. I've had enough talk of death for one day.

FRANK

It's not bad to want to talk about death and Hell. You should understand it.

GERARD onstage

Does He teach the angels about Hell?

FRANK

Some of them. He told me about Hell personally.

GERARD onstage

Why you?

FRANK

He thinks I am susceptible to the Devil because of the way I look and act. He wants me to know what it's like so I will never listen to the Devil.

GERARD onstage

Does He ever speak to the Devil?

FRANK

No, but he has messengers who do occasionally.

(Pause)

GERARD onstage (seeing an angel with his white wings extended)

Look. There's someone up ahead.

FRANK

He has wings.

GERARD onstage

Could there be angels on this bridge?

FRANK

Possibly, but I hope not.

GERARD onstage

Why not?

FRANK

We've broken a lot of rules, and most angels can read minds.

GERARD onstage

Maybe he won't tell on us.

FRANK

Maybe.

(They walk up to him)

GERARD onstage

Are you an angel?

ANGEL

What do you think?

FRANK

I thought you were, but I hoped you weren't.

ANGEL

Why not?

FRANK (reddening, looking down and muttering)

Various reasons.

GERARD onstage

What's our obstacle?

ANGEL

Tell me all the rules you've broken on this bridge.

FRANK

Damn it.

ANGEL

Don't swear.

FRANK

There's one rule I've broken.

ANGEL

What else? You are a good shield. I can't read your mind, but I know you've done something wrong.

GERARD onstage

Will we be punished for what we did wrong?

ANGEL

It depends.

FRANK

On what?

ANGEL

Whether you tell me voluntarily or not.

FRANK (quickly and still red)

We've kissed and had sex on the bridge.

ANGEL

Wow. That's a big rule to break. There is no homosexuality in Heaven.

FRANK

There is so. I live in Heaven.

ANGEL

All right, there's not supposed to be.

GERARD onstage

We've heard that soon gays will be allowed in Heaven.

ANGEL

It's possible. He is thinking of becoming more tolerant and welcoming.

FRANK

We'll be the first to move in.

ANGEL

Are those all the rules you've broken?

FRANK

We've been rude to a few people. And Gee is still doubtful.

GERARD onstage

So were you!

FRANK

Whatever. Does that count?

ANGEL

Yes.

GERARD onstage

That's it.

ANGEL

You may pass.

GERARD onstage

Will we be punished?

ANGEL

No. I like your spirit. You stuck to what you believe is right. Even if I don't agree, you will not be punished.

FRANK

Good. Let's go.

(They walk past the ANGEL, leaving him behind.)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do with the ANGEL still visible) I think Frank summed it up well. Damn it. That was the one thing we didn't want to happen. We had no idea if the angel was lying and he told then Frank would fall when we got to Heaven. It wouldn't be so bad, as long as He would let Frank keep his immortality and wings. Frank was really mad because he didn't want to tell anyone the details of our relationship. I was mad as well. It was an invasion of our privacy. CONTINUE! (They do and keep walking until the ANGEL is no longer visible.)

GERARD onstage

Well, that wasn't good.

FRANK

Not at all! Damn it! Why do all angels have to be so nosy?

GERARD onstage

You're insulting your own race.

FRANK

I don't think I can be an angel. I'm nothing like them! I'd rather wear black and swear then wear white and serve Him my whole life!

GERARD onstage

So you're a rebellious angel.

FRANK

Basically.

GERARD onstage

Things are changing in Heaven. Hopefully soon gays and people all in black will be welcome in Heaven.

FRANK

They better be. Or I might do something so I can fall just to get out of there.

GERARD onstage

You're hardly every there now.

FRANK

It's still too much.

GERARD onstage

Do me a favor.

FRANK

Anything.

GERARD onstage

Don't do anything too drastic if you want to get kicked out of Heaven. Make sure you'll keep your immortality.

FRANK

I will. Don't worry. (Pause) Gee? What are your three wishes going to be?

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) That was the million-dollar question. I just had a few ideas. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

I want the mob to forget that I'm a fallen angel.

FRANK

Obviously. That's the whole reason we're here.

GERARD onstage

I want you.

FRANK

I hope so, considering you had sex with me.

GERARD onstage

No, I want us to be able to walk into Heaven and be able to kiss on the street without worrying about who's gonna see us.

FRANK

Well, considering you aren't allowed in Heaven and neither are gays that would be a big step in tolerance. What else?

GERARD onstage

I don't know what else I want.

FRANK

That's a problem.

GERARD onstage

I might wish for Heaven to be more welcoming, or to make sure that even fallen angels are allowed in.

FRANK

That's a good idea. Speed up His ideas of progress. What else?

GERARD onstage

I want Him to stop thinking that people wearing black are being influenced by the Devil, that gays should be allowed in Heaven, and that swearing isn't bad.

FRANK

Does that all count as one wish?

GERARD onstage

Hopefully. You think I can wish for unlimited wishes?

FRANK

I doubt it, but it's worth a shot.

THE VOICE (from all around)

Hello, Gee and Frank.

FRANK

Are you the infamous voice that spoke from Hell and gave Gee dating advice from the afterlife?

THE VOICE

Of course. How many voices are you hearing?

GERARD onstage

Only one, at least for now.

THE VOICE  
I just figured I better set you guys straight on the wishes.

FRANK

How do you know what the rules for the wishes are? You're in Hell!

THE VOICE

I used to live in Heaven.

GERARD onstage

Why are you in Hell?

THE VOICE

Do not ask what I was damned for, please. It is a touchy subject.

GERARD onstage

OK. What are the rules? Can I wish for unlimited wishes?

THE VOICE

Definitely not. He is smarter than that.

FRANK

Damn.

THE VOICE

Do not swear in front of Him.

FRANK

I'm not that stupid.

GERARD onstage

Is there anything I can't wish for, other than unlimited wishes?

THE VOICE

No, but be very specific. He is very picky and will try to twist whatever you say. Like, if you said that you wanted everyone to forget you were a fallen angel, then you would forget as well.

GERARD onstage

He is picky, isn't He? All right, I'll be specific.

THE VOICE

I have been watching you two, and I am not happy with you, Gee.

GERARD onstage

Why not?

THE VOICE

I said not to make a choice who you would have a relationship with until you had met both of them. You and Frank have told each other you love the other, you've kissed, and you've had sex. That is a relationship.

GERARD onstage (red)

How do you know we had sex?

FRANK (also red)

Is everyone watching us?

THE VOICE

More people then you thought.

GERARD onstage

Obviously, and I don't fucking like it.

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. You shouldn't have done anything you didn't want anyone else to see.

FRANK

Whatever. We'll do whatever we want-and that includes swearing.

GERARD onstage

Fuck yeah. When will I met the other person?

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. You will meet her in the black hole.

FRANK

Her?

GERARD onstage

It's a girl, then?

THE VOICE

I told you they would be different.

FRANK

Now I've got real competition. Gee, you'd probably pick a good girl over me-the great guy-just to be normal.

GERARD onstage

You'd beat out anyone, Frank, and you know that.

THE VOICE

Don't be so quick with the promises. You might change your mind.

GERARD onstage

Unlikely.

FRANK

But possible?

GERARD onstage

Very unlikely.

THE VOICE

All I'm saying is don't count the girl in the black hole out until you meet her. She's very special.

GERARD onstage

Whatever. She can't be better than Frank.

THE VOICE

At least you could tell anyone you wanted about her. For now, you and Frank are an illegal couple.

GERARD onstage

I'm fucking tired of people telling me what to do! I'll date whoever I want and no one is going to tell me I can't!

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. You tell Him that and see what his reaction is.

FRANK

I can guess. Something along the lines of "You and Frank are never to have contact again! And no wishes for you!"

THE VOICE

Probably. Goodbye, Gee. Goodbye, Frank.

GERARD onstage

You're not a friend! My name is Gerard! Fuck you!

THE VOICE (fading)

Stop swearing.

FRANK

Is he finally gone?

(Pause)

GERARD onstage

He didn't make any smartass comments, so I guess so.

FRANK

Can we just not talk about the voice anymore?

GERARD onstage

Yeah. He pisses me off.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) Wow. I was really mad. I'm sorry for all the swearing, but if you don't like it then leave. Me and Frank swore. Get over it. Anyway, I was mad. I really was getting tired of people telling me that I was bad, swearing was bad, and that I shouldn't have had sex with Frank. It's my fucking life. They don't rule me. I think right then I might have subconsciously decided to be as obnoxious as possible when I got to Heaven. You'll see if I was obnoxious or not. CONTINUE! (They do)

FRANK

Something's up ahead.

GERARD onstage

Let's hope they aren't a jackass, like just about everyone else we've met on this trip.

FRANK

Except for Billie Joe.

GERARD onstage

Of course.

(They walk up to a MAN who is writing.)

MAN

Hello, Gee, Frank. Can you spell?

GERARD onstage

Yeah. Why?

MAN

How do you spell "disappear"?

FRANK

D-I-S-A-P-P-E-A-R. Right?

GERARD onstage

Yeah.

MAN

Thanks.

GERARD onstage

What's our obstacle?

MAN

Spell "skeptic".

FRANK

How appropriate. That's it?

MAN

No.

GERARD onstage

S-K-E-P-T-I-C. Right?

MAN

Yeah. Now spell "homosexuality".

FRANK

Again, appropriate. H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L-I-T-Y. Right?

MAN

Yes. Now, do you sense a theme in these words?

GERARD onstage

Well, I'm a skeptic and we're gay. Is that our whole obstacle?

MAN

Yes. You just had to tell me the truth that you knew that these words had to do you with you.

FRANK

Cool. Let's go. (They begin to walk away)

MAN

Wait!

GERARD onstage

What?

MAN

I just want you to know I'm with you on the idea of gays in Heaven. I think that it would be great. I'm gay, too. But I'm human and I'm hiding it from Him.

FRANK

Good for you. That's our plan too.

MAN

Maybe it shouldn't be.

GERARD onstage

What do you mean?

MAN

We need a spark that will force him to get moving. It would help if you used one of your wishes to have an all-inclusive Heaven. Gays, people in black, people who swear, fallen angels, everyone. I think that would be perfect.

GERARD onstage

I will try to do that.

MAN

Thanks.

FRANK

Goodbye. (They walk past the MAN, leaving him behind. He is still writing until he can no longer be seen.) It's getting dark again. Do you want to stop?

GERARD onstage

Yeah, but let's wait until we're a little farther away from people.

FRANK

OK. Does that mean we're having sex again?

GERARD onstage

Maybe. (Pause) Do you know the date, Frank?

FRANK

Let me check. (Pulls his black phone out of his pocket and checks.) Hey! It's April 8! It's almost your birthday.

GERARD onstage

I thought so. What time is it?

FRANK

Quarter to midnight.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) OK, April 9 isn't my real birthday. I don't know my real birthday. I wasn't even really born, I was created. But April 9 is the day designated for my birthday. So I celebrate on April 9. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

We have to have sex now! It's my birthday!

FRANK

Not quite. Ten minutes left. I didn't get you a present, Gee. I'm sorry.

GERARD onstage

You've given me plenty of presents.

FRANK

I guess. (Pause) It's officially your birthday now, Gee! 12:01! (sings) Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Gee! Happy birthday to you!

GERARD onstage (laughing)

Thanks, Frank. (leans over and kisses FRANK)

THE VOICE (from all around)

Happy birthday, Gee.

GERARD onstage (ends the kiss)

Two things. One, I'm pretty sure that I said that I was fucking tired of people spying on us. Two, my name is Gerard, except to friends!

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. I am a friend.

GERARD onstage

Friends don't spy on friends.

THE VOICE

I didn't spy on you.

GERARD onstage

Watching us have sex and kiss is spying.

FRANK (calmly)

Why is everyone so fucking interested in us having sex and kissing?

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. You are an illegal couple and Gee still has a girl to meet.

GERARD onstage

We will swear all we want, I don't care if we're an illegal couple because I love Frank and no one is better than him, so I don't have to meet this girl.

THE VOICE

You will have to meet this girl. He wants to know what the girl says to you. You must tell Him everything to get your wishes.

FRANK

Everything?

GERARD onstage

Isn't she supposed to tell me she loves me?

THE VOICE

She will.

GERARD onstage

I don't want to have to explain all of that to Him.

THE VOICE

That is the only way to get your three wishes. Speaking of the wishes, I also wish to try to talk you out of wishing for an all-inclusive Heaven.

GERARD onstage

Why? It would be amazing.

THE VOICE

The disadvantages out weigh the advantages.

FRANK

What kind of disadvantages?

THE VOICE

There would be too many differences and people would fight. Heaven would become a war zone.

GERARD onstage

Possibly, but not necessarily.

THE VOICE

But you also want fallen angels in Heaven.

GERARD onstage

Yes.

THE VOICE

Some fallen angels fell for serious reasons. I could see fallen angels like you allowed in Heaven but some of them are dangerous.

GERARD onstage

I don't fucking care what you think! I'll do whatever I want!

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. I'm just telling you to be careful with what you wish for because you just might get it.

FRANK

How cliché.

GERARD onstage

Whatever. Just leave me alone. I'll fucking do whatever I want.

THE VOICE (fading)

Stop swearing.

FRANK

Is he gone?

(Pause)

GERARD onstage

No reply, so I guess so. That was a nice birthday present.

FRANK

Well… It is dark and I think we're far enough away from any people now…

GERARD onstage

Yeah, sex will make me feel better.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do and the lights all go off.) The voice was starting to annoy me. He was too protective and practical. We were taking a lot of risks and he was right on a lot of accounts but it was annoying all the same. I'll fast forward to morning again; you still don't get to see us have sex. FAST FORWARD! There. CONTINUE! (The lights come back up to see GERARD onstage and FRANK, fully dressed, kissing)

GERARD onstage (between kisses)

That was the best birthday present I have ever gotten.

FRANK (between kisses)

You're welcome. We should get going though. Who knows who's watching us this time?

GERARD onstage (still kissing FRANK)

Wasn't I the one who had to get us moving last time?

FRANK (still kissing)

Yeah, we've switched positions. (Pause, during which they kiss) All right, no more kissing. We should get going. (He stands up, pulling GERARD onstage up with him.)

GERARD onstage (While they begin to walk)

It's my birthday, I should be able to kiss you all day if I want to!

FRANK

Not that I don't like kissing you, but who knows who's watching and…(trails off)

GERARD onstage

And what?

FRANK

Maybe the voice is right. You could pick that girl and you shouldn't have a relationship with me before you meet her. But it's your decision and I'm okay with not stopping.

GERARD onstage

Our relationship is still on. I'm not stopping kissing you because some damned spirit in Hell told me to! (Pause) Can we stay away from talking about the voice and how we shouldn't date today? It is my birthday.

FRANK

Sure, we'll have a happy conversation day.

GERARD onstage

Or we'll at least try.

FRANK

Yeah.

GERARD onstage

So how much longer do you think this bridge lasts?

FRANK

I don't know, but it can't be too much longer.

GERARD onstage

I'm just ready to get to Heaven and get my wishes. I think that life will be a lot easier for everyone after Heaven is all-inclusive.

FRANK

Yeah. Are you going to wish that you can be in Heaven?

GERARD onstage

I don't know. I think that would be cool but it's sort of an extra wish. It's not really important to me, but I do wish we could date and you not be in danger of falling.

FRANK

That's my favorite wish of yours yet.

GERARD onstage

Mine too. I love you.

FRANK

I love you too.

(They kiss for several minutes)

GERARD onstage (between kisses)

This is the greatest birthday of my life.

FRANK (between kisses)

I think it's the greatest day of my life, but we do have a job to do. Maybe we should get going.

GERARD onstage (still kissing)

I don't want to go anywhere.

FRANK

Neither do I.

(Pause, during which they kiss passionately)

(Enter MIKEY WAY, FRANK's younger brother, while FRANK and GERARD are still kissing. He is tall and skinny, with glasses and longish brown hair, a dark blue t-shirt and dark blue jeans. His wings stick out from slits in his t-shirt. He watches them kiss for several minutes. He is not noticed until he speaks.)

MIKEY

Hello, Frank, Gee. You two in an illegal romance?

FRANK (breaking the kiss, with GERARD onstage looking shocked)

Mikey! What are you doing here?

MIKEY

Looking for you, actually. He thinks you're taking too long and wanted me to find out why. I can see why you're taking so long. You and Gee are dating?

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) Mikey Way. He had a way of showing up at the wrong times. You'll see what I mean soon. He was an angel; not quite as dark and rebellious as Frank. He was a good angel, but not a strict one. Mikey and Frank were brothers, at least as much as two angels can be brothers. They were pretty close most of the time, actually. CONTINUE! (They do)

FRANK

Yes, we are dating! Do you have a problem with that?

MIKEY

Not necessarily, but I'm sure He does. Homosexuality is forbidden in Heaven.

FRANK

We're not in Heaven.

MIKEY

You always were the rebellious one. Gee, are you okay? You haven't said a word to me yet.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, it's just that you were the last person I expected to see here.

MIKEY

I understand. I'm not usually a messenger, but He sent me because of you, Frank.

FRANK

You're not going to tell on us, are you, Mikey?

MIKEY

You can't hide this from Him forever.

GERARD onstage

We don't plan to. Just until I can get my wishes and allow gays and fallen angels in Heaven.

MIKEY

(Sarcastically) Good plan. (seriously) He might read your minds first. You'll have a good deal of explaining to do. Have you two gone farther than kissing?

FRANK (reddening)

That's none of your business.

GERARD onstage (also red)

Oh, just tell him. At least one angel already knows.

FRANK (still red)

Fine. Yes, we've had sex.

MIKEY

Congrats. He won't like that.

FRANK

I'm not planning on telling him.

MIKEY

He will find out.

GERARD onstage

Yes, but by then we will have the wishes and there will be nothing He can do about it.

FRANK

It's not like we're being that bad anyway.

MIKEY

Bad enough, in His eyes.

FRANK

You won't tell Him, will you?

MIKEY

No. I'll just say you had some unexpected delays. It's not even a full lie. You two being gay is unexpected. I'm a good shield. He won't be able to read my mind.

GERARD onstage

My birthday is slowly going downhill.

MIKEY

I'm sorry, it wasn't my choice to come.

GERARD onstage

I'm not blaming you, I'm blaming Him.

THE VOICE (from all around)

Hello, all. Greetings from Hell. How are you, Gee? Still swearing?

GERARD onstage

Damn it. Yes, I'm still swearing and my name is Gerard to you!

THE VOICE

Stop swearing and I am a friend. I'm trying to help you.

GERARD onstage

Whatever.

MIKEY

What's going on?

FRANK

This very annoying voice is a damned spirit in Hell who is trying to stop Gee and I from dating.

MIKEY

Wow.

GERARD onstage (looking up, speaking to THE VOICE)

You told me I could pick either one in the first place and they would both be amazing! So leave me alone and let me choose!

MIKEY

Either one?

FRANK

Gee will have the opportunity to date either me or a girl in the black hole. The voice tends to lean towards the girl. What do you have against me, voice?

THE VOICE

Nothing, I just think Gee should wait to have a serious relationship until he meets both candidates.

GERARD onstage

My name is Gerard to you, and there are no fucking candidates left! Frank has won!

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. It's not over until you count all the votes and announce the winner to the loser.

GERARD onstage

Well, let's get to black hole and tell the girl that she lost!

THE VOICE

Don't be so quick. If you chose her, it would be legal.

GERARD onstage

I don't fucking care!

THE VOICE

Stop swearing.

MIKEY

This is the strangest conversation I have ever heard.

FRANK

There have been stranger ones on this trip. Gee? (GERARD onstage turns and looks at FRANK) Just give it up. The voice thinks he's right and you think you're right. Let's just go.

GERARD onstage (takes a deep breath)

Okay. The sooner this is over the better. I want us to be legal.

FRANK

We will be. Mikey? We're gonna continue on. You going back to Heaven?

MIKEY

Yeah. I'll give Him my report. He won't know that I'm lying.

FRANK

You're not even really lying; you're just not telling the whole truth.

MIKEY

I suppose.

THE VOICE

Mikey? You would be smart to tell Him what is really going on. He is powerful and he will break your shield and you will get in trouble for lying.

MIKEY

He won't break my shield. He's tried before.

THE VOICE

What were you keeping from Him?

MIKEY

That is a secret for only me to know.

THE VOICE

Fine. I shall leave you alone, but I warned you all of the dangers. Goodbye, Gee, Frank, Mikey.

GERARD onstage

My name is Gerard to you! Fuck you!

THE VOICE (fading)

Stop swearing.

MIKEY

I've got to go. He will wonder what's taking me so long.

FRANK

Mikey, do you know how much longer the bridge goes on?

MIKEY

It's not too much farther, but there are obstacles still to come.

GERARD onstage

Goodbye, Mikey.

FRANK

Bye.

MIKEY

Goodbye.

(MIKEY disappears)

GERARD onstage

I don't remember being able to do that when I was an angel.

FRANK

The disappearing into thin air thing? (GERARD onstage nods) You probably couldn't. It is reserved for messengers only.

GERARD onstage

Can you disappear?

FRANK

No, you and me will have to stick to the old fashion way-feet.

GERARD onstage

I suppose we could fly. We could have just skipped all the obstacles in the first place.

FRANK

I don't know if He'd like that very much.

GERARD onstage

Why not?

FRANK

He might consider it cheating and, therefore, against the rules.

GERARD onstage

We're breaking quite a few rules already.

FRANK

Yes, but it is also much more difficult to keep a conversation going in the air.

GERARD onstage

True.

(They begin to walk)

(After a while a SPHINX suddenly appears into view. She has the head of a woman, the body of a lion, the wings of an eagle and a serpent-headed tail. She is frightening but beautiful and is not grotesque at all.)

FRANK

Whoa! Is that a sphinx?

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) Yeah, I know, it was at least sort of believable to this point. Except for all the angels, of course. But now you don't believe this is real. Well, it is. If you don't believe me then just leave. You don't deserve to see this. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

It's the sphinx. You know; the one from Greek mythology?

SPHINX

He is correct. Maybe you have heard of my riddles? They are your challenges. Here is the first one. Which creature in the morning goes on four legs, at mid-day on two, and in the evening upon three, and the more legs it has, the weaker it be?

FRANK

(to GERARD onstage) I know this! I read it somewhere once! (to all) The answer is man!

SPHINX

That is correct. Here is the second riddle. There are two sisters: one gives birth to the other and she, in turn, gives birth to the first. Who are the sisters?

GERARD onstage

(to FRANK) I've read this one! (to all) Day and night!

SPHINX

Correct. Now, I will depart from my usual questions and ask you something else. What would you have done if you did not know the answers to my riddles?

FRANK

It depends.

SPHINX

On what?

FRANK

Whether you would let us pass or not.

SPHINX

If you would not have known the answers I would not have allowed you to pass willingly.

FRANK

We might have fought you.

GERARD onstage

Speak for yourself, I'm a pacifist.

FRANK

I don't mean violence, I mean arguing.

GERARD onstage

Oh. We would have argued for sure.

SPHINX

You would not agree to my decision as a wiser being than you?

FRANK

We're not good with authority figures.

GERARD onstage

How do you know that you are wiser than us?

SPHINX

Do you know that you are wiser than me?

GERARD onstage

No.

SPHINX

I know I am wiser than you, because I know I am wiser than you.

FRANK

I agree; because that confused me.

GERARD onstage

So you might be wiser than us. But we still would not have agreed to your decision.

SPHINX

How do you two survive in Heaven?

GERARD onstage

That proves you don't know everything. I'm a fallen angel.

FRANK

I'm not doing too well in Heaven myself. He thinks I'm susceptible to the Devil.

SPHINX

Okay. And you are breaking quite a few rules.

GERARD onstage

How do you know?

SPHINX

A damned spirit in Hell told me.

FRANK (reddening)

That voice!

GERARD onstage (reddening)

What did he tell you?

SPHINX

Only that you were in an illegal romance and were having sex.

FRANK (still red)

Why does everyone have to know all the intimate details of our relationship?

GERARD onstage (still red)

He wants to get us in trouble, it seems.

SPHINX

Now that is where you're wrong. He wants you to not be in trouble. He is trying to steer you away from an illegal romance.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) That was a new idea. I think that Frank and I were so mad at the voice for spying on us that we never once thought he was trying to help us. But if he was trying to help us, he was doing the wrong thing. The only thing that would make us happy is our relationship. I don't believe we could ever be happy apart. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

I guess that's possible.

SPHINX

Just listen to the voice. He knows what he's talking about.

GERARD onstage

All right, goodbye.

FRANK

Bye.

SPHINX

One last word of wisdom. There are very few relationships that work perfectly. The voice wanted me to tell you that. But I will add one thing. It seems to me that yours is one of the few that do.

GERARD onstage

Really?

FRANK

I knew we were a perfect couple.

SPHINX

But the outside powers will try to suppress your relationship. Do not give in. Stick to what you believe in.

GERARD onstage

We will.

FRANK

Definitely. Bye.

GERARD onstage

Goodbye.

(They walk past the SPHINX. She disappears after FRANK and GERARD onstage take several steps. They turn back and then continue to walk.)

GERARD onstage

I want to be able to do that.

FRANK

I doubt you, the fallen angel, will ever be allowed teleportation.

GERARD onstage

Maybe that's a good idea. I would drive everyone crazy.

FRANK

Plus you can't talk while teleporting.

GERARD onstage

True, but we could talk while sitting down for once, instead of walking.

FRANK

We talk when we lay down.

GERARD onstage

Also true. I really like those conversations.

FRANK

When do we get to stop again so we can have a conversation lying down?

GERARD onstage

When it's dark and we have a reason to stop.

FRANK

I guess that's a good idea. He thinks we're being too slow.

GERARD onstage

I would love to see His reaction to the true reason we're being so slow.

FRANK

You mean talking too much and stopping every night to have sex?

GERARD onstage

Yeah.

FRANK

He'll know soon enough.

GERARD onstage

We should just tell Him, willingly, right after we wish for gays to be allowed in heaven. He'll wonder why we want that.

FRANK

And then He'll read our minds.

GERARD onstage

If we tell Him before He reads our minds, He might take it better.

FRANK

He won't like it either way.

GERARD onstage

Well, this will make it better.

FRANK

Hopefully.

(They walk in silence for a while)

GERARD onstage

It's dark enough to stop now.

FRANK

Good.

(They stop and all the lights go off)

GERARD onstage (only heard and not seen)

Do you think we're far enough from anyone?

FRANK

Definitely.

(Enter MIKEY, a spotlight on him. He walks over to FRANK and GERARD onstage until he gets close enough to see them but the audience can't because it's so dark)

MIKEY (yelling)

Whoa! Shit! My eyes! I've gone blind!

FRANK (yelling)

What the fuck are you doing here?

MIKEY (looking away from where FRANK and GERARD onstage are. The audience can still only see MIKEY. FRANK and GERARD onstage are in the dark.)

I'm not saying anything more until you guys are dressed again.

GERARD onstage

Mikey, you have terrible timing.

(Pause-the lights then come back up to FRANK and GERARD onstage with jeans on, but no shirts.)

FRANK

I agree, Mikey, you do have terrible timing.

MIKEY

It's not my fault you guys were having sex!

FRANK

We weren't even having sex yet!

MIKEY

It looked like it.

FRANK

We were just preparing.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, we're a lot louder than that when we have sex.

FRANK

Yeah, we were silent just now.

MIKEY

Whatever. I don't need to know all the intimate details.

FRANK

Good, because I wouldn't tell you them even if you wanted them.

GERARD onstage

What do you want, Mikey? It had better be good. I haven't received the second part of my birthday present yet. You're slowing us down.

FRANK

Yeah, the longer you talk, the less sex we get.

MIKEY

I don't need to hear this. I'm a virgin. Whatever. He sent me back.

FRANK

What for?

GERARD onstage

He didn't break your shield, did He?

MIKEY

No. He sent me back because He knew I was trying extra hard to protect something. He knows you have something to hide. He wants me to tell you that the punishment is always less severe when the truth is told willingly. He wishes that you would send Him a reply message.

FRANK

Damn.

MIKEY

You don't want that in the message, do you?

FRANK

No, even though it would be fun.

GERARD onstage

Tell Him the truth will be told willingly after our wishes are awarded and have been used.

MIKEY

I'll tell Him.

FRANK

We should also tell Him that we are breaking rules, but we will not admit wrongdoing.

GERARD onstage

No, we should not.

FRANK

Why not? It's honest.

GERARD onstage

What if He decides to bring us to Heaven right then? We won't have any wishes and we'll be in huge trouble.

FRANK

I guess, but He does like honesty.

GERARD onstage

It's not worth the risk.

MIKEY

I'll just take him your message, Gee.

GERARD onstage

Okay. (MIKEY disappears.) I want to be able to do that.

FRANK

Never gonna happen. You think he's coming back?

GERARD onstage

I doubt it.

FRANK

Good.

(All the lights go off. Silence. MIKEY appears in a spotlight. He walks over close to where FRANK and GERARD onstage were before the lights went off.)

MIKEY

Shit! How many times do I have to see you guys naked today?

FRANK (just heard)

Fuck you, Mikey.

GERARD onstage (just heard)

Maybe you shouldn't have come back!

MIKEY (turned away from FRANK and GERARD, who are still not visible.)

Maybe you two should lay off the sex. Get dressed.

FRANK (just heard)

I told you, that wasn't even sex yet. We were still preparing.

MIKEY

Whatever. You were naked. Close enough.

(The lights come back on to GERARD and FRANK in jeans, shirtless)

GERARD onstage

I hate you right now, Mikey.

FRANK

Me too.

MIKEY

Sorry. I've got a message again.

FRANK

Just say it and get out of here.

MIKEY

He wants me to tell you that He hopes that you will tell Him what you are doing wrong and…(trails off, looking embarrassed)

GERARD onstage

And what?

MIKEY

Well, this is the part you won't like.

GERARD onstage

I don't like any of it. You interrupted us.

MIKEY

Fine. He made sure to make me promise that I would tell Frank not to get too friendly with Gee. He doesn't suspect a relationship and sex and all that, but He thinks you're becoming too good of friends.

FRANK

Fuck Him!

GERARD onstage

Won't He just love it when we tell Him we're dating?

FRANK

That might make it all worthwhile.

MIKEY

That's all. He said not to bring a return message, because He figured you would be angry.

FRANK

Do me a favor, and just tell Him that he figured right. Now get out of here.

MIKEY

I'll tell Him. I won't come back tonight, no matter what.

GERARD onstage

Good, we might actually get past preparation without being interrupted.

(MIKEY disappears.)

FRANK

If he comes back, I'll…I'll…

GERARD onstage

You can't even think of a bad enough threat?

FRANK

No, but it would be bad.

(All the lights go off. Pause.)

THE VOICE (from all around)

Hello, Gee, Frank. Being naughty, are we?

FRANK (Just heard)

Fuck you!

GERARD onstage (just heard)

My name is Gerard! Go away! We're trying to have sex.

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. I can see you're trying to have sex. Put your pants back on, I've got something to say.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (The lights come back up to see FRANK and GERARD onstage in jeans, frozen.) It's been so long since we talked, I just had to throw a remark in. This was the third time we'd been interrupted. It was still my birthday and Frank and I were mad. We were tired of people watching us. CONTINUE! (They do)

GERARD onstage

What do you need to say? We want to have sex.

THE VOICE

I just want to tell you that He already suspects that you two are gay.

FRANK

Mikey says he doesn't.

THE VOICE

Mikey is wrong. He is considering sending an angel escort for the rest of the trip.

FRANK

Damn.

THE VOICE

Stop swearing.

GERARD onstage

How do you know that?

THE VOICE

I can see and hear anywhere and anything.

FRANK

Who will He send?

THE VOICE

One of His top messengers.

FRANK

Damn. Those guys are strict.

THE VOICE

Stop swearing. Yes, they are. They would not allow rule breaking. My advice is to get to the black hole and into Heaven as soon as possible.

GERARD onstage

We're going as fast as possible.

THE VOICE

You're stopping nights for sex. That is wasting valuable time.

FRANK

We'll do whatever we want, and sex is included.

THE VOICE

I won't fight with you today. Just hurry.

GERARD onstage

We will.

THE VOICE (fading)

Goodbye.

GERARD onstage

Okay. If any one is going to interrupt us, do it now while we're still dressed!

(Silence.)

FRANK

All right, I want to give you the second part of your birthday present.

GERARD onstage

I want it and I want you.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do and all the lights go off.) Okay, I have to fast forward now because everyone left us alone finally. We got past preparations this time. FAST FORWARD! There, it's morning now. CONTINUE! (The lights come back on to FRANK and GERARD onstage kissing, fully dressed.)

FRANK (between kisses)

I think we deserve a day to just lie around and kiss.

GERARD onstage (between kisses)

He wouldn't like that. We should get going.

FRANK (between kisses)

I don't want to.

(Pause, during which they kiss. Enter MIKEY. He is not seen until he speaks.)

MIKEY

At least you guys have pants on this time.

FRANK (breaking the kiss)

Why do you have to keep interrupting us?

GERARD onstage

I hate you so much right now, Mikey.

MIKEY

He wants me to stay with you guys. I think He suspects that you have more than a friendship going on.

GERARD onstage

He's right. You have to stay with us?

MIKEY

Sadly, yes.

FRANK

Damn.

FRANK

How are we supposed to have sex with you following us around?

MIKEY

I think that's the point. He's hoping to discourage you so you'll be good.

GERARD onstage

It might work. Is He requiring you stay here or just asking you to?

MIKEY

It's a direct order. I can't leave.

FRANK

No more sex for us this trip.

GERARD onstage

Unless you would be willing to overlook it.

MIKEY

No way am I gonna stay with you guys all night while you have sex!

FRANK

Damn. (Pause) The voice was right.

GERARD onstage

I hate it when he's right.

THE VOICE (from all around.)

I'm always right.

FRANK

I don't know about that.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, you must have been wrong at least once.

THE VOICE

Perhaps. But I am right a higher percentage than either of you.

GERARD onstage

Perhaps. What do you want?

THE VOICE

I looked ahead to your next obstacle and you're going to need me. None of you speak German, right?

FRANK

No, why? Do we need to?

THE VOICE

You'll see.

(They begin to walk.)

GERARD onstage

I can't believe He's making you stay, Mikey.

MIKEY

I know. And the worse part is; I think He laughed when He told me to stay with you guys.

FRANK

He definitely knows something's going on.

GERARD onstage

He would find that funny.

THE VOICE

But He is also completely serious. He wants this to end.

FRANK

He may have succeeded.

(A woman suddenly appears into view. She is very tan pants, a brown shirt and a tan sweater is tied around her neck. She has short red-brown hair. She is wearing a "My Name Is" sticker. "Ewa" is written in.)

EWA (in German with a heavy accent)

Begrüßen.

MIKEY

Huh?

THE VOICE

This is why you need me. She says welcome.

FRANK

Hi.

GERARD onstage

Does she speak English?

THE VOICE

No. Ewa understands it but doesn't speak it.

MIKEY

That's stupid.

THE VOICE

But true.

EWA (looking at FRANK and pointing)

Sie sind erotisch.

FRANK

What's she saying?

THE VOICE

She thinks you're sexy.

FRANK

Wow. (looking at EWA) I'm gay.

EWA

Bumsen Sie! Scheißen Sie! Verdammt!

GERARD onstage

What did she say?

FRANK

She sounds mad.

THE VOICE

I refuse to translate swear words.

FRANK

She's swearing?

MIKEY

I'll try to remember those words.

FRANK

What's our obstacle?

EWA

Sie haben es bereits getan.

THE VOICE

She's saying you've already done it.

GERARD onstage

We did? How?

FRANK

Don't ask why. Let's just get out of here.

GERARD onstage

Sounds good to me.

(They rush past EWA, who is still swearing in German.)

FRANK

That was scary.

MIKEY

I agree.

GERARD onstage

She looks like the kind of person who brings a gun into a school and shoots anyone who annoys her.

FRANK

Yeah. And she thought I was sexy. That's frightening.

GERARD onstage

But you are sexy.

FRANK

Yeah, but I don't need insane German girls telling me so.

THE VOICE

She's not insane.

FRANK

Did you hear her?

THE VOICE

Be nice to her. She's not all there.

GERARD onstage

I can tell.

(Suddenly it begins to pour. They are all immediately soaked.)

GERARD onstage

Whoa! It's raining.

FRANK

I love the rain.

MIKEY

Why?

FRANK (looking straight at GERARD onstage)

It's romantic.

(He then walks over to GERARD onstage and kisses him. They kiss passionately for a time with MIKEY in the background looking embarrassed.)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do with MIKEY looking at FRANK and GERARD kissing, looking embarrassed.) Poor Mikey. Look at him. He looks so embarrassed. We couldn't help it. Anyway, a lot has happened since we talked last. Mikey having to stay was the worse part. We couldn't have sex with Mikey there all night. He looks embarrassed at us just kissing in the rain. We were not happy. And that crazy German lady? She scared me, but it was funny to hear her swear in German. Anyway, let's CONTINUE! (They unfreeze with FRANK and GERARD onstage still kissing and MIKEY still looking embarrassed.)

MIKEY

You know, I'm really getting tired of watching you two kiss and seeing you naked.

FRANK (between kisses)

Fuck you.

MIKEY

Maybe He was right having no homosexuality in Heaven. It really creeps out all the straight guys.

FRANK (breaking the kiss and walking toward MIKEY)

Are your wings ready, Mikey?

MIKEY

Yeah. Wait, for what?

FRANK

This. (He pushes MIKEY off the bridge.)

MIKEY (his voice trailing off)

Fuck you!

(FRANK walks back over and kisses GERARD again.)

GERARD onstage (between kisses)

Is he going to be okay?

FRANK (between kisses)

He'll snap his wings out and be fine.

THE VOICE

That was childish, Frank.

FRANK (between kisses)

I don't care.

(MIKEY then flies back up onto the bridge. He walks over, pulls FRANK and GERARD onstage apart and shoves them to make them begin to walk. They all begin walking.)

MIKEY

Was that necessary?

FRANK

Completely.

GERARD onstage

Someone's up ahead.

(A woman appears. She has brown curly hair and a big poof above her forehead. She is short and has glasses. She is wearing a sweater with a "My Name Is" sticker with the name "Jean" written in.)

JEAN

Hello.

GERARD onstage

What's our obstacle?

JEAN

Pushy, are we?

MIKEY

We're in a hurry.

JEAN (with a chuckle)

Well, I don't give rude people answers.

FRANK

Please! Are you fucking happy?

JEAN

No. I don't tolerate swearing.

GERARD onstage

Well, I don't tolerate people who look like Pilgrim/poodle hybrids!

(She tackles GERARD onstage. They fight. GERARD onstage and JEAN stand up and GERARD onstage shoves her. She falls off the bridge backwards.)

JEAN (voice trailing off)

Oh shit!

(GERARD onstage snaps his wings out and tries to jump after her. He is stopped by something. A small thud is heard. GERARD onstage folds his wings back in.)

GERARD onstage

Fuck.

FRANK

Wow. Gee, you're on your way to becoming a mass-murderer. How's it feel?

GERARD onstage

Shut up, Frank! I didn't mean to push her off.

FRANK (softly)

I know you didn't. You tried to jump after her. That has to be worth something.

MIKEY

And she was a horrible old bitch. The world's probably better off without her.

GERARD onstage

There's no chance she's alive?

THE VOICE

None, Gee. I just checked.

GERARD onstage

My name is Gerard. (Pause) My mourning is done. She was an old bitch.

FRANK

Hooray, the old Gee is still here! There's not a mass murderer in his place!

GERARD onstage (laughing)

Shut up.

FRANK

I just thought of something.

GERARD onstage

What?

FRANK

I lost the game.

GERARD onstage

I lost the game. Damn it, Frank! I'd forgotten all about it for three weeks!

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do) I'm sorry to all the people who are cursing me now. But it's Frank's fault. Blame him. And I'm also sorry for all the people who have no idea what the game is. Get a life. And that murder? Not my fault either. Completely accidental. You can't blame me for that either. CONTINUE! (They do)

MIKEY

I don't understand the game.

THE VOICE

It's a childish game, Mikey, you don't need to.

GERARD onstage

It's not childish, it's fun!

FRANK

Yeah!

MIKEY

Whatever. I don't care.

FRANK

It's just one of the constants in life. 42 is the answer to everything and everyone plays the game.

THE VOICE

I don't play the game.

GERARD onstage

Yes, you do. You just don't care when you lose.

THE VOICE  
Yes, because it is childish.

GERARD onstage

You're just no fun.

FRANK

Someone's up ahead.

(A BOY, about sixteen, is seen. He wears a black t-shirt and skinny jeans. He has dyed black hair. Instead of looking sexy, the whole outfit looks pathetic. He has scars on his wrists.)

BOY

Hey! More emos!

GERARD onstage

I am not emo.

FRANK

Me neither.

BOY

Whatever. How about goth?

GERARD onstage

Nope.

FRANK

We just like black.

BOY

Sure.

FRANK

What's our obstacle?

(The BOY stands up and pulls two swords out of a case behind him.)

BOY

A sword fight. (Offering a sword to FRANK)

FRANK (sarcastically)

To the death?

BOY

No.

GERARD onstage

This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.

MIKEY

I agree.

THE VOICE

Don't trust him, Frank.

FRANK

Shut up! I can fight him. (Suddenly the BOY runs toward GERARD onstage. GERARD onstage cries out. FRANK jumps up and puts the sword in front of the BOY, blocking his path to GERARD onstage. They fight. Eventually, the BOY is knocked down and his sword flies off the bridge. He looks scared but pissed.) See guys? I think I did pretty well. Gee, remember what I said about knowing what to do in case of attack? This just proves my point. I saved the damsel in distress!

GERARD onstage

Yes, my prince, you're a hero.

FRANK (looking at his sword)

That was awesome.

MIKEY (laughing)

Gee, your face was amazing! You looked so freaked!

GERARD onstage (reddening)

Shut up!

THE VOICE

Your face was quite amusing, Gee.

GERARD onstage

It's Gerard to you and shut up!

THE VOICE

What are you going to do with the boy?

(They all turn to look at him.)

FRANK

What shall we do with you? Gee, you could push him off the bridge. It'd be your second murder! (The BOY pales.)

GERARD onstage

The first was accidental! I don't think that counts.

THE VOICE

It would be manslaughter.

FRANK

Whatever.

BOY

He told me to do it! He wouldn't want you to kill me!

MIKEY

That is possible.

GERARD onstage

I guess we leave him then.

FRANK

Fine. (to the BOY) If you follow us, I will win again. But in hand to hand combat this time. (He throws his sword off the bridge. They all walk past the boy.)

BOY

Wait! (They all turn back towards him.) The black hole is just ahead.

FRANK

How close?

BOY

Not far at all.

GERARD onstage

It's getting dark.

FRANK

Mikey, is there anywhere else you can go?

MIKEY

Nope. Sorry, no sex for you guys tonight.

FRANK

Damn.

BOY

I don't understand.

THE VOICE

You don't want to.

BOY

Okay…

GERARD onstage

We should stop anyway. I will not be led.

MIKEY

Come here, Gee.

GERARD onstage (walking over to MIKEY)

Okay. Why?

MIKEY

I can make you see in the dark.

FRANK

You can?

GERARD onstage

How?

MIKEY

My magical powers, of course. I'm a good angel. He likes me.

FRANK

I don't have that power!

THE VOICE

He doesn't like you, remember?

FRANK

Of course not. How could I forget?

GERARD onstage

How are you going to make me see in the dark?

MIKEY

Like this. (says something in a different language and passes his hand in front of GERARD onstage's eyes.)

GERARD onstage

Wow! I can see in the dark!

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do. The BOY is still in the frame.) A lot has happened since we talked last, huh? The boy was weird. He tried to attack me for one thing. I didn't like him very much. He also called us emo and goth. I don't know how many times I've had to explain to people that I just like black. It bothers me that people stereotype so much. Not everyone has a category. Everyone's an individual. Sorry for ranting. The seeing in the dark thing? That's way cool. Mikey has more power than Frank. I think that made Frank mad. CONTINUE! (They unfreeze.)

FRANK

Damn. Now we don't have an excuse to stop nights anymore.

THE VOICE

Stop swearing.

GERARD onstage

We're almost there anyway.

FRANK

True.

MIKEY

Plus, I'm here. You guys can't have sex with me here.

FRANK

Also true.

GERARD onstage

Let's get going. The sooner we get going, the sooner we get to the black hole.

MIKEY

And the sooner we get to the black hole, the sooner we get to Heaven.

FRANK

And the sooner we get to Heaven, the sooner gays are allowed in Heaven!

THE VOICE

I'm sure that I told you guys that you should not make Heaven an all-inclusive place. It would be asking for trouble.

GERARD onstage

They're going to be my wishes, so I'll wish for whatever I want. Let's get going. Bye (to the BOY).

BOY

So long and good luck.

(They all begin walking, except for the BOY, who is left behind.)

THE VOICE

Are you ready to go to Heaven, Gee? It's likely that people will talk about you, since you're a fallen angel.

GERARD onstage

My name is Gerard to you, and I don't care. I don't plan on wandering the streets very long. I'm gonna tell Him what the black hole was like, get my three wishes and use them.

MIKEY

Good plan.

FRANK  
I like it.

THE VOICE

You will have to talk to someone before you will be allowed to see Him. What are you going to tell them?

GERARD onstage

The truth.

FRANK

Plus, you'll have two angels by your side. That will help you get in to see Him faster.

MIKEY

Well, I'll help you get in faster. Frank, you might actually slow us down.

FRANK

Why?

MIKEY

He doesn't like you, remember?

FRANK  
Funny.

MIKEY

We won't have any problems getting in. He's pretty easy to talk to. That's one thing He isn't strict about.

THE VOICE

Be clear when you speak to Him. Don't try to hide things from Him. That will only make Him suspicious. Then He will read your mind.

GERARD onstage

We're planning on telling Him everything voluntarily after I get my three wishes.

THE VOICE

Everything? Sex and all?

FRANK

Sex and all.

GERARD onstage

We think that will make Him less angry.

MKEY

It will. He always is less severe when people tell Him things voluntarily.

THE VOICE

I suppose. I'm going to leave you now. You are close to the end. I may try to speak to you in Heaven.

GERARD onstage

Goodbye.

THE VOICE

Be good. No more sex or swearing.

FRANK

You think you'd have learned by now that we don't listen.

THE VOICE (fading)

I can try.

(Pause)

MIKEY

I can see the black hole.

GERARD onstage

Where?

FRANK

I don't see it.

MIKEY

That's the point.

FRANK AND GERARD onstage together

Huh?

MIKEY

You don't see a black hole; you see the empty space where the black hole is.

GERARD onstage

All I see is…Something orange.

FRANK

It looks like fire.

MIKEY

The black hole is guarded by magical flames. Some people are not allowed in. No one knows what the selection process is.

FRANK

You think we'll all be let in?

MIKEY

Who knows? But I think so.

GERARD onstage

I think at least I have to get in, because I have to tell Him what I saw.

FRANK

Yeah, I don't think He would give you wishes for saying that you couldn't get in.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, that's not the greatest description.

(They walk in silence for a time. They then come up to the line of flames. They are taller than six feet.)

FRANK

How do we get over those?

GERARD onstage (extending his wings)

Looks like we're flying.

(FRANK and MIKEY extend their wings and they all jump into the air and try to fly over. FRANK and MIKEY are stopped. GERARD onstage flies right over.)

GERARD onstage

You guys can't get over?

FRANK

Doesn't appear that way!

MIKEY

Nope.

FRANK

Looks like you're going by yourself.

GERARD onstage

Guess so.

FRANK

No secrets when you get back. I want to know everything.

GERARD onstage

I'll tell you everything. I promise.

FRANK

Bye. We'll wait here, I guess.

GERARD onstage

Yeah. Bye. It'll be fine.

FRANK

Famous last words.

MIKEY

It will all be fine. See ya.

(GERARD onstage flies on alone. He turns back one time and can no longer see FRANK and MIKEY. He flies for a time and then lands. He walks for a while, looking around, and suddenly sees the GIRL. She is tall and skinny. She is wearing jeans and a white t-shirt.)

GERARD onstage

Hello. You must be the girl in the black hole.

GIRL

The one and only.

GERARD onstage

Do you have a name?

GIRL

No.

GERARD onstage

Oh.

GIRL

I might have a long time ago. But not now.

GERARD onstage

Okay. My name's Gerard.

GIRL

It's Gee to friends, right?

GERARD onstage

Yeah…

GIRL

Oh, I understand. You don't know if I'm a friend yet.

GERARD onstage

Pretty much.

GIRL

I love you.

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do with GERARD onstage looking shocked.) That was sudden. I was expecting her to tell me that she loved me, but not that suddenly. She was a nice girl. But Frank was a great guy. CONTINUE! (They do.)

GERARD onstage

Oh. But…

GIRL

But what?

GERARD onstage

Well, I'm in love with someone else.

GIRL

How would you know if you've never compared her to anyone else?

GERARD onstage

Not her. Him. I'm gay. I'm in love with Frank.

GIRL (looking surprised)

Oh. But how do you know?

GERARD onstage

He's the only person I've ever loved.

GIRL

How do you know that? You could be in love with a lot of other people.

GERARD onstage

I doubt it.

GIRL

I know how to find out.

(She stands up and walks over to GERARD onstage. She leans in and kisses him softly.)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do, still kissing softly with GERARD onstage looking shocked.) I know, you all weren't expecting that. The way I'd been talking you'd think I was gonna turn her down flat. We'll see what happens. CONTINUE! (They do, still kissing. The GIRL slides GERARD onstage's shirt up after a minute. He lets her for a minute and then breaks the kiss. He pulls her hands off his chest.)

GERARD onstage

Don't do that.

GIRL

Why not? I want you.

GERARD onstage

I don't love you. I don't want you. I like you. But I don't love you. I don't want to sleep with you.

GIRL

I want to sleep with you.

GERARD onstage

I don't. It's not the same.

GIRL

What's not the same?

GERARD onstage

Kissing you. Or even thinking about having sex with you. Kissing Frank is so much better, sex with him has to better as well.

GIRL (hurt)

Okay.

GERARD onstage

It's nothing personal! It's just…I love Frank. You seem like a nice person. You really do! You can call me Gee.

GIRL

It doesn't matter. You're gonna leave and I'll never talk to you. That's how it always goes.

GERARD onstage

You can't leave?

GIRL

No, I'm stuck here forever.

GERARD onstage

Are you immortal?

GIRL

I'm an angel. (Extends her wings. They are white. She folds them back in a minute later.)

GERARD onstage

That's wrong. You shouldn't be stuck here.

GIRL

I am, and there's nothing I can do about it.

GERARD onstage

I'll talk to Him about you.

GIRL

He won't listen. He never does. People have tried before.

GERARD onstage

Has anybody ever…wished for it?

GIRL

No. Would you? (GERARD onstage hesitates) Of course. Better things to wish for. That's what everyone says. You should just go.

GERARD onstage

No! I don't know. I just want no rules.

GIRL

Don't wish for that. Anarchy is never a good thing.

GERARD onstage

Less rigid rules, then.

GIRL

That might work. Give angels full freedom? Then I could do whatever I wanted.

GERARD onstage

I'll try, okay?

GIRL

Okay. Here, this is what He wants you to give Him. (She pulls a gold cross on a chain out of her front pocket and hands it to GERARD onstage.) This will assure that you get your wishes.

GERARD onstage

Thanks.

GIRL

One word of wisdom. Tell Him everything I said to you.

GERARD onstage

Declaration of love and all?

GIRL

Yes.

GERARD onstage

I will. Goodbye.

GIRL

Good luck in Heaven. You're fallen, right?

GERARD onstage

Yeah.

GIRL

He won't like giving you wishes.

GERARD onstage

He'll get over it.

GIRL

Just watch what you do in Heaven.

GERARD onstage

What do you mean?

GIRL

Don't kiss your boyfriend on the street.

GERARD onstage

I don't know, the other's angels faces might be worth it.

GIRL

Speaking of your boyfriend and kissing, are you going to tell him we kissed?

GERARD onstage (after a pause)

Yes. He won't mind, because I like kissing him better. Sorry.

GIRL

No big deal.

GERARD onstage

I should go.

GIRL

Yeah.

GERARD onstage

Some other will come here one day and you'll fall in love with him.

GIRL

Possibly, but I don't think so.

GERARD onstage

I do.

GIRL

Get going. Your boyfriend will miss you.

GERARD onstage

Yeah. Goodbye.

(He extends his wings and flies off. He looks back once and sees her crying. He smiles at her and she smiles through her tears. He flies back over the flames and runs over to FRANK. He hugs him and kisses him. It's a long, passionate kiss. FRANK looks a bit shocked but kisses him back. MIKEY stands by, looking embarrassed.)

FRANK (smiling)

What's up, Gee? You weren't gone that long.

GERARD onstage

Let me explain. She told me she loved me.

FRANK

(sarcastically) Really. We weren't expecting that. What'd you say?

GERARD onstage

I explained that I was gay and that I loved you.

FRANK

How'd she take that?

GERARD onstage

She said that I didn't know I was gay because I never compared my love to anyone else.

FRANK

Okay.

GERARD onstage

So she kissed me.

FRANK

You kissed her?

GERARD onstage

She kissed me!

FRANK (looking sad)

Did you like it?

GERARD onstage

Kissing you is way better.

(FRANK smiles and then kisses GERARD onstage passionately. They kiss for a time with MIKEY looking embarrassed. They then break the kiss.)

GERARD onstage

It doesn't bother you, does it? Me kissing her?

FRANK

I don't care if you kissed her as long as you like kissing me better.

THE VOICE (from all around)

So you picked Frank in the end, Gee?

GERARD onstage

Gerard to you. Of course. I told you I was going to.

THE VOICE

But she is very special?

GERARD onstage

Very. She'd make a good friend. I just don't love her.

THE VOICE

I understand.

FRANK

What happened next?

GERARD onstage

She told me that she's stuck in the black hole always. She never leaves. And she's an angel. She's immortal.

FRANK

That sucks.

MIKEY

What did she want you to do about it?

GERARD onstage

She wants me to talk to Him and wish for her freedom.

THE VOICE

Are you going to use one of your wishes for her?

GERARD onstage

I don't know. I'm thinking about it. Like, I could wish for something generic like angels to have full freedom.

MIKEY

That'd be nice.

FRANK

Yeah.

THE VOICE

Think about your wishes. They're important.

GERARD onstage

I know. She also gave me a gold cross on a chain that I have to give to Him. She also gave me some advice.

FRANK

What advice?

GERARD onstage

Not to kiss you on the street.

FRANK

Damn. I would love to see the angels' faces.

GERARD onstage

I'm thinking that we should kiss. Like, right before we walk in to see Him.

MIKEY

That wouldn't be smart.

FRANK

But it'd be fun!

THE VOICE

It would be dangerous.

GERARD onstage

All they would do is take us to see Him and we'd be going anyway.

THE VOICE

That would be a bad start to the meeting.

FRANK

But fun!

MIKEY

The angels would freak out. Their faces would be so fun to watch.

THE VOICE (fading)

Just be good. Goodbye.

GERARD onstage

We should get going. How are we going to get to Heaven?

FRANK

Fly, of course. It's not far from here. (He turns and points to a cluster of stars much brighter than the others.) That's Heaven.

GERARD onstage

That's pretty far.

MIKEY

It won't take long at all.

FRANK

It looks farther than it is.

GERARD onstage

Okay.

(They unfold their wings and jump into the air.)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do, then all the lights go off.) I'll fast forward through the flight. Nothing happened. You can't have a conversation in midair. FAST FORWARD! There's Heaven. CONTINUE! (The lights come back up to GERARD onstage, FRANK, and MIKEY entering a set of white gates. There is a man at the gates wearing a white robe. He nods to them as they walk past him.)

FRANK

Hello, Saint Peter.

SAINT PETER

Hello, Frank. Where are all of you coming from?

FRANK

The black hole.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, I need the wishes.

SAINT PETER

Welcome. Go and see Him and get your wishes, gentlemen.

(They walk through the gates onto a main street. It looks very much like a suburban city except that everything is white. Angels are everywhere.)

GERARD onstage (whispering)

I can't take all this white. We stand out. I'm in black!

FRANK (loudly)

Who cares?

GERARD onstage (whispering)

I told you, I try to blend in! Standing out is your thing.

FRANK (loudly)

Why are you whispering?

GERARD onstage (whispering)

Everyone's staring at me!

FRANK (loudly)

Yes, they are. (lowering his voice) Are we going to kiss before we go in to see Him?

GERARD onstage

I don't know. The faces would be worth it.

FRANK

Let's do it.

GERARD onstage

All right.

MIKEY

I don't know if that would be smart.

FRANK

I don't care.

MIKEY

You always were the rebel.

FRANK

Yep.

GERARD onstage

It'll be fine.

FRANK

Good, because we're almost there. The big building at the end of the street is where He lives.  
GERARD onstage

There's no guards.

FRANK

He doesn't need guards.

GERARD onstage

I guess not.

MIKEY

Where are you guys going to kiss?

FRANK

Right in front of the doors.

GERARD onstage

Everyone's watching us. It'll be interesting.

MIKEY

He won't like it.  
GERARD onstage

I don't care.

(They walk to the doors. FRANK and GERARD onstage kiss passionately for a time. All of the angels turn and look at them. They all looked shocked. MIKEY is laughing. An angel rushes past GERARD onstage and FRANK while they are still kissing and enters the doors. They end the kiss and all walk inside. As soon as the doors shut, all break out laughing.)

FRANK

That was amazing!

GERARD onstage

Their faces!

MIKEY

They all looked so freaked out!

GERARD onstage

He is going to freak out!

FRANK

It'll be worth it!

(They all start walking and get to the end of a hallway and stop. The doors open and the same angel that rushed past GERARD onstage and FRANK while they were kissing comes out. He still looks shocked. They wait until he walks out of view.)

GERARD onstage

He knows now.

FRANK

Who cares? We were going to tell Him anyway.

MIKEY

This is a bad start to the meeting.

GERARD onstage

Yeah. Let's hope it gets better.

(They push open the door and walk through. They enter a large, white room, empty except for a simple conference table. At the head of the table HE sits. HE is dressed simply, all in white. HE has no wings.)

HIM

Hello.

GERARD onstage, FRANK, and MIKEY all at the same time

Hi.

HIM

I have been hearing some interesting things about you. Would you care to explain?

GERARD onstage

We'll still get our wishes no matter what we tell you, right?

HIM

Yes. You earned them.

FRANK

Good.

GERARD onstage

I admit that we have broken some rules.

FRANK

I don't think that we've done anything wrong, but we've broken some rules.

HIM

Tell me what you have done.

FRANK

Me and Gee have kissed and had sex.

HIM

That is against the rules.

FRANK

No offense, but I think that's a stupid rule.

GERARD onstage

Me too.

FRANK

If we're in love there's nothing we can do about it.

HIM

Are you in love?

GERARD onstage

Yes.

FRANK

Definitely.

MIKEY

They are. Believe me.

HIM

Oh, yes, you're the angel I sent to watch them. They are in love?

MIKEY

Yeah. They couldn't not be in love, the way they act. Always kissing and stuff.

HIM

All right. Let's hear about the black hole.

FRANK

So we're not in trouble?

HIM  
We'll see. The rest of the story, please.

GERARD onstage

Well…In the black hole I met the girl. By the way, does she have a name?

HIM

No. She never chose one for herself.

GERARD onstage

Oh. Okay. Well, she told me that she loves me.

HIM

Interesting. That's a first.

GERARD onstage

I tried to explain that I was gay but she told me that I couldn't know and then she kissed me.

HIM

What did you tell her?

GERARD onstage

Just that she was a nice girl but I loved Frank more.

HIM

Okay. Did she give you anything?

GERARD onstage (pulling the gold cross on the chain out of his pocket. He hands it to HIM.)

She said to give you this.

HIM (puts it in his pocket)

Thank you. Do you realize that when she was created she was given all silver necklaces? She had only one gold one. She was supposed to give it to someone special.

GERARD onstage

Are you trying to make me feel guilty?

HIM

Maybe a little bit. It is my job, after all.

GERARD onstage

I guess.

FRANK

So are we in trouble?

HIM

I suppose not. You were correct. You cannot stop loving someone. Even if it would be in your best interest.

GERARD onstage

Was that a threat?

HIM

No, just a statement of fact. Homosexuality is forbidden in Heaven.

GERARD onstage

Not for long.

HIM

Oh? Why not?

GERARD onstage

I'm going to wish for a Heaven where anyone is allowed-and that includes fallen angels and gays too.

HIM

That is a good wish. Would you like to tell me your wishes now?

GERARD onstage

I guess so. First, I want the mob outside my house to forget that I'm a fallen angel.

HIM

All right. (Claps HIS hands.) They've forgotten. Be careful in the future. The mob really was your fault.

GERARD onstage

I know, I know. Second…I want everyone to be allowed in Heaven. Atheists, fallen angels, gays, goths, emos, people who swear, people who commit suicide, everyone. And I want them and all angels to have full freedom. There can still be punishments, just not for being gay or doubting, or small things like that.

HIM

All right. (Claps HIS hands.) You are now welcome in Heaven. You and Frank may kiss on the street if you wish. And angels who doubt and gay angels will not fall anymore. You are still fallen, that hasn't changed.

GERARD onstage

But I'm allowed in Heaven.

HIM

Yes. Your third wish, please.

GERARD onstage

(to HIM) Hang on, please. (turns toward FRANK and MIKEY.) I don't know what else to wish for!

FRANK

You could do something for that girl.

GERARD onstage

Yeah, but I wished for full freedom to all angels.

MIKEY

Does that count?

GERARD onstage

Let's find out. (To HIM) I have a question concerning the girl in the black hole. I wished for all angels to have full freedom. Can she leave the black hole now?

HIM

Yes. I will send a messenger to her after you use your third wish.

GERARD onstage

Okay. Hang on. I just thought of something. (He walks over to FRANK and MIKEY and whispers something in their ears. They nod, smiling.) We wish to know your greatest secret. (HE pales) Something that you've never told anyone else before.

HIM

This is a strange wish.  
GERARD onstage

But you have to tell us.

HIM  
Yes. (Pause) All right. I am gay.

(Pause, with MIKEY, FRANK, and GERARD onstage looking shocked.)

GERARD offstage

FREEZE! (They do, with MIKEY, FRANK, and GERARD onstage looking shocked, and HIM looking calm.) Now that was the number one strangest, most unexpected thing I had ever heard. I would have never guessed or even suspected that. He had all those rules for Heaven put in place, and then He was gay? It just didn't make any sense. CONTINUE! (They all unfreeze. There is silence for a time.)

FRANK

Are you kidding?

HIM

No. I am completely serious.

GERARD onstage

Then why do you forbid homosexuality in Heaven?

HIM

I'm not sure. It wasn't forbidden until about 200 years ago when the first gays really emerged. And it was always a bad thing. I was gay, but if it was known that I was gay, it would be bad.

MIKEY

The straight angels probably wouldn't like the fact that you're gay.

HIM  
No.

THE VOICE (from all around)

So they talked you into telling, huh?

HIM

They didn't talk me into it, they wished for it.

GERARD onstage

You guys know each other?

HIM

Yes.

THE VOICE

Of course. He sent me to watch you.

FRANK

But you're in Hell.

THE VOICE

Yes. Ask Him why.

MIKEY

Why?

HIM (after a pause)

When I outlawed gays in Heaven, the voice thought he knew why. He thought that I was hiding from my true self because that was the easy way out. Because, you see, before the voice fell he was my true love.

THE VOICE  
Yes. And then you damned me.

HIM

Yes.

GERARD onstage

Why did you damn him?

HIM

He was my true love. I had to stop being gay. I needed everyone to see the voice as an example.

THE VOICE

So you told everyone how I was gay, and gave them a long speech about how I was a bad person for going against nature. You never spoke to me again. Until that night.

HIM

Gerard, you think I don't watch earth. I don't, most of the time. But the night you went to that party, I had a vision. I saw Frank telling you he loved you. So I spoke to the voice. I had him watch you, and tell you what Frank was going to say. I wanted him to steer you away from dating Frank.

GERARD onstage

Why? You're gay, why would you stop us?

HIM  
It was too late to change the rules. I had done so much to ensure that gays were out of Heaven. I had convinced myself that I was doing the right thing. I couldn't change then. Gerard, you and Frank and Mikey have done a wonderful thing for me. You have given me the perfect window to come out. You have wished for gays to be allowed in Heaven. I can finally be myself. I can let everyone be who they truly are. I can fix the mistakes I made so long ago. (HE adds softly) I can bring him back.

THE VOICE

You don't mean that.

FRANK

It's not possible!

HIM  
I created Heaven, I created Hell. If anyone can do it, I can.

GERARD onstage

But can anyone do it?

HIM  
Not just anyone. But I can. (HE adds softly)Are you ready to come back after all this time?

THE VOICE  
Yes. Please, yes.

HIM

Okay.

(HE stands up and walks over to the only other piece of furniture in the room-a file cabinet. HE unlocks the bottom drawer with a key around HIS neck and pulls out a large red book. HE flips it open and reads something in a different language. Suddenly a large hole opens in the ceiling. Black and red smoke swirl out. Then a man falls out. He looks similar to HIM except for the fact that he has wings and his eyes look permanently haunted. He is wearing gray sweatpants and a t-shirt. He stands up and embraces HIM. They hug for a time.)

HIM (ends the hug)

I would like to formally introduce you all to Jesse, who you have been calling the voice for a time.

JESSE (formerly known as THE VOICE)

Hello all. (to HIM, looking around) You've redecorated this place.

HIM

Of course. It's been a long time.

JESSE (formerly known as THE VOICE)

Yes. A very long time.

HIM

I'm so sorry. I made so many mistakes. I don't deserve all the power that I have.

GERARD onstage

Don't say that.

FRANK

Yeah. For the most part, you've done a really good job.

HIM

For the most part, yes. But there have always been mistakes. There was nothing I could do about it.

JESSE (formerly known as THE VOICE)

Until now.

HIM

Yes. We must find a way to tell everyone.

FRANK

May I suggest something?

HIM

Go ahead.

FRANK

Words won't do it. Action is needed. I think that you and Jesse should kiss on the street, like me and Gee did.

JESSE (formerly known as THE VOICE)

I like that idea.

HIM

I suppose. But a speech would still be necessary after the kiss.

GERARD onstage

Of course.

HIM

All right. Let's go. (looking straight at JESSE) We have to catch up after all these years.

JESSE (formerly known as THE VOICE)

I'm sure you have collected a good deal of stories to tell me.

HIM

Yes. We will have to have a long chat.

JESSE (formerly known as THE VOICE)

After the kiss.

GERARD onstage

Yes, please. I'd like to stay in Heaven for a time, and I want me and Frank to be a legal couple.

HIM

You already are.

FRANK

But no one knows that yet.

HIM

They will soon. Let's go, gentlemen.

(They all stand up and leave the room. GERARD onstage, FRANK, and MIKEY are stopped by HIM to the outside.)

HIM

Wait here for a moment. I am going to go call an assembly.

FRANK

All right. (Waits until JESSE and HIM leave, then turns to GERARD onstage and MIKEY.) Did you hear that? There hasn't been an assembly in a long time! And He is going to kiss Jesse!

GERARD onstage

In front of all the angels. That's going to be weird.

FRANK

We should kiss too.

GERARD onstage

No, I think we should just let Jesse and Him have their reunion scene.

FRANK

That's true, they haven't kissed in years.

MIKEY

That's going to be a long kiss.

GERARD onstage

Probably.

(JESSE and HIM come back in.)

HIM

Let's go.

FRANK

Where are we going?

HIM

The assembly hall. I want you to be up front with us.

GERARD onstage

Okay.

(They all begin to walk. They end up in a large building that looks very much like a Roman coliseum except for that everything is white. The seats are filled with angels. There is a buzz of conversation but no real words can be heard. There is a large platform down in the center. They all walk up onto that.)

HIM

Quiet all! (It becomes silent immediately.)

GERARD onstage (whispering in FRANK's ear)

They're all pretty obedient.

FRANK (also whispering)

Yeah. Why do you think they're still here? (GERARD onstage just nods.)

HIM

We have all gathered here today because of another set of wishes being claimed. Two of the wishes affect Heaven directly, so you have a right to know about them. The first is that Heaven is going to be become more welcoming. Everyone is going to be allowed in Heaven now. Atheists, fallen angels, gays, goths, emos, people who swear or people who commit suicide-as long as they were good people, they're in. And gay angels and angels who doubt will not fall anymore. The second wish that affects you is a little more complicated. First, I would like to introduce someone. (Turns and motions to JESSE, who walks up next to HIM. HE takes JESSE's hand.) This is Jesse. Until recently, he has resided in Hell from no fault of his own. Except for being right. Jesse was very special to me. Watch. (He kisses JESSE. All the angels are murmuring and don't know what to say. There are a few shouts. The kiss ends after a moment. ) Jesse was-and is-my true love. Before I outlawed gays in Heaven, we dated. Now gays are allowed in Heaven again. Finally, I can be myself. That was the second wish. They wanted to know my greatest secret. It was that I am gay. Now I can finally be myself. Goodbye. (They walk off the stage. GERARD onstage and FRANK look at each other and after a moment they kiss. It is a short kiss. Then they all walk off the stage back the way they came. They are greeted by the angel they met on the bridge.)

ANGEL

Hello. I have been instructed to show you to two rooms. He told me to let you decided who wanted to stay in which room.

GERARD onstage

Me and Frank in one room, please.

MIKEY

I guess I get my own room then.

FRANK

Yes, you do. Me and Gee get to finally have sex in a bed!

GERARD onstage

Hooray!

ANGEL (shaking his head)

All right. Here are the rooms. (GERARD onstage and FRANK walk into one and turn around and see MIKEY going into his own. The ANGEL has left.)

MIKEY

Have a good night.

GERARD onstage

Of course.

FRANK

Definitely. We've got a bed.

MIKEY

I'm just happy I don't have to see you guys naked again.

GERARD onstage

You're the one who had to come back.

MIKEY

Not my fault, blame Him.

FRANK

Whatever.

(They walk into their respective rooms and shut the doors.)

GERARD offstage

I guess I don't have to freeze it if no one's around. But I'll try to be quiet. We had a bed so I'll have to fast forward, but I want to talk first. That was cool. Jesse and Him kissing? That really threw the angels off. You could tell none of them expected that. But they were all nice and excepting. No one booed so it could have been worse. (Suddenly the door to GERARD onstage and FRANK's room opens. You can GERARD onstage at the door just in boxers and FRANK lying on the bed also just in boxers. GERARD onstage looks both ways down the hall and then as he's closing the door you can hear him hear say "I swear I heard someone talking." Then FRANK says back "Whatever. We've got a bed and a door, so who cares?") Maybe I should have froze it. Whatever. I'll FAST FORWARD to morning. There.

(A female angel walks up to the door of MIKEY's room and knocks on it. MIKEY opens it.)

MIKEY

What's up?

FEMALE ANGEL

Time for breakfast. He wants to talk to you all as well. (looks both ways down the hall and then leans in slightly.) But He might not even be up yet. Someone went into His room without knocking, just like everyday, and found Jesse in bed with Him. They were still undressed. And they weren't mad. He wants everyone to know that they had sex! It's a big scandal for Heaven.

MIKEY

Whatever. You gonna get Frank and Gee up or do you want me to?

FEMALE ANGEL

Will they be dressed?

MIKEY

It's unlikely. It's still pretty early.

FEMALE ANGEL

Then you wake them up please. Just walk down to the end of the hall. He will meet you in that big room.

MIKEY

Okay. (The FEMALE ANGEL walks off and MIKEY walks over to GERARD onstage and FRANK's door. He knocks and then opens it and walks in. He shuts the door behind him but you can still hear all he says.)

MIKEY

Rise and shine, lovebirds. We've got to go to breakfast with Him. It should be interesting. Someone found Jesse in bed with Him this morning.

FRANK

Really? That's nice. Now go away, it's way too early.

MIKEY

You guys had all last night and you've got every other night. You've got to get up and stop having sex sometimes.

GERARD onstage

I don't know about that.

FRANK

I wouldn't mind a life that's all sex.

MIKEY

I didn't say you wouldn't mind it but there are people who have to come get you up. Like me. So get dressed.

GERARD onstage

Fine. Now leave.

MIKEY

If you're not in the hall in five minutes I'm coming back.

FRANK

We'll be ready. Now go.

(The door opens and MIKEY comes out. The angle changes so that we can see the inside of the room. GERARD onstage and FRANK have boxers on and are dressing.)

FRANK

So Jesse and Him had sex. I'll have to make sure to mention that at breakfast.

GERARD onstage

Be nice. They haven't seen each other in years.

FRANK

I know, but it's too good of an opportunity to pass up.

GERARD onstage

I guess. Ready?

FRANK

Yep. You?

GERARD onstage

Yeah. Let's go.

(They stand up and walk out into the hall and meet MIKEY.)

MIKEY

Good. I really didn't want to have to force you guys out of bed.

FRANK

I'm sure that if we stay here for a while, then you'll have to at some point.

MIKEY

I'm not looking forward to it. Maybe I'll have Jesse or Him do it.

GERARD onstage

That'd be weird.

FRANK

Yeah.

(They get to the end of the hall and open the door. They enter into a large room furnished with many plain white tables and chairs. The room is very busy. GERARD's MOM and DAD, BILLIE JOE ARMSTRONG, the GIRL in pink, the SMOKER, the ANGEL who they met on the bridge, the spelling MAN, the SPHINX, EWA, the BOY who tried to fight FRANK with swords, and the GIRL in the black hole are all in the room chatting. It becomes very quiet as GERARD onstage, FRANK and MIKEY come in.)

LINDSEY (formerly known as the GIRL in the black hole, runs over to GERARD onstage)

Gee! I picked a name for myself! Lindsey! (She leans in and whispers in his ear) You were right. I met someone else. Someone really special.

GERARD onstage

That's great! Who?

LINDSEY (formerly known as the GIRL in the black hole)

Dylan.

GERARD onstage

Who?

LINDSEY

The boy who tried to stab you when he was fighting Frank. But he's nicer than that. You just have to get to know him.

GERARD onstage

I believe you. Good luck with him.

(JESSE and HIM walk in the door.)

HIM

Hello, all. I'm sure you all have some catching up to do. What I have to say can wait a minute. Talk amongst yourselves.

(The chatter, which died when GERARD onstage, FRANK, and MIKEY entered had resumed when LINDSEY was talking to GERARD onstage, had died again when JESSE and HIM walked in. It instantly resumes when HE tells them to talk. LINDSEY waves to GERARD onstage and leaves, going back to her table with the BOY, now known as DYLAN.)

FRANK

Everyone we met on our trip is here.

MIKEY

Except for that old bitch.

GERARD onstage

Of course, she's dead and probably in Hell.

(BILLIE JOE walks over to them.)

BILLIE JOE

Hello. I've been talking to Jesse and Him. Heard you guys are gay. Cool. Now I feel awkward that my question was about me being sexy.

FRANK

Don't.

GERARD onstage

You are sexy. I think even the straight guys can see it.

BILLIE JOE (smiling)

Thanks. I don't know if you're right, but thanks anyway.

FRANK

He's very right.

(BILLIE JOE walks back over to the SMOKER, who he was talking to. The spelling MAN walks over.)

MAN

Can you spell victory?

GERARD onstage

Of course!

FRANK

The question is, can you?

MAN

Yes. You've done a wonderful thing. You've helped all the gays of the world and you've helped Him as well. Good job.

GERARD onstage

Thank you.

FRANK

It was all in a days work.

(The spelling MAN leaves. He goes back to the ANGEL, who he was talking to. EWA then comes over.)

EWA

I have learned English.

GERARD onstage

Congrats.

EWA (to FRANK)

You're sexy.

FRANK

Thanks, but I'm gay.

EWA (muttering and walking away)

Why are all the hot guys gay?

(The GIRL in pink and GERARD's parents walk over.)

GIRL

You guys did a good job! Here! (She hands them both a pink t-shirt and walks away to talk to LINDSEY. When she is gone, both GERARD onstage and FRANK take their shirts over to the door and throw them down the hallway. They then walk back to GERARD's parents.)

DAD

You guys did a good job, helping Him and Jesse out like that.

MOM

And it looks like you had an interesting journey by the looks of all these people.

GERARD onstage

Yes, it was pretty awesome.

FRANK  
The time of my life!

DAD

Well, I hope it was. Are you going to stay in Heaven?

GERARD onstage

Yes. At least for a while. But your door's always open, right?

MOM

Of course. To you and Frank.

GERARD onstage

Good.

DAD

We'll see you later.

MOM

Bye.

GERARD onstage and FRANK

Bye.

(MOM and DAD walk back over to their table next to the GIRL in pink, who notices the t-shirts are gone, but just shrugs and gets over it. The SPHINX walks over.)

SPHINX

I knew that your relationship was perfect.

FRANK

It really is.

SPHINX

You've done a lot of good for Him. He can finally be himself.

GERARD onstage

And so can we.

SPHINX

Yes. I must leave. Good luck with your lives and your love.

GERARD onstage

Thank you.

FRANK

Thanks.

(The SPHINX disappears.)

GERARD onstage

You know, I don't wish I could do that anymore.

FRANK

Why not?

GERARD onstage

There's been enough amazing things happening to me; I don't think I could take much more.

(FRANK just smiles. MIKEY walks over.)

MIKEY

Everyone here's become friends now. It's so weird.

GERARD onstage

Weird, but good.

FRANK

Very good.

MIKEY

Yeah.

(JESSE and HIM walk over.)

HIM  
You have done so much for me. I can finally be myself. I'm glad. I would have never admitted it before, but I was tired of living a lie.

GERARD onstage

We just wished. It wasn't a big deal.

FRANK

Yeah, we're not heroes.

JESSE

Oh, I don't know about that. I think everyone's a hero. Just in different ways. Thank you all so much.

GERARD onstage

You're welcome.

HIM

We'll leave you two to talk. Mikey, I want you to come with me.

MIKEY

Why?

JESSE

You should meet Dylan. He's really a nice boy.

MIKEY

OK. (They walk off. FRANK and GERARD offstage walk to a table that is unoccupied and in an empty corner.)

GERARD onstage

This really has been the greatest time of my life.

FRANK

Me too.

GERARD onstage

We get to live our happily ever after.

FRANK

Yeah. I love you.

GERARD onstage

I love you too.

(They embrace and kiss passionately.)

GERARD offstage

I won't freeze it; I want to watch us kiss. Wow, you'd think we were alone, the way we're kissing. Everyone around us looks slightly embarrassed.

GERARD onstage (interrupting GERARD offstage, braking the kiss)

Shut up, will you? We're trying to kiss.

GERARD offstage

Just hang on, I'm almost done. We were happy and this is our happy ending. Now, no one can tell Him about this because we were sworn to secrecy. But none of you really believe me anyway, do you? So it doesn't matter. To you this is all a fantasy. To me, it's real life. But it's a real life fairy tale. And a love story. And like any good love story, it ends with a kiss. And there were plenty more kisses and plenty more nights to come for us. This is, in my opinion, the best love story ever written. (GERARD onstage and FRANK continue to kiss for a time and then everything FADES TO BLACK.)

THE END


End file.
